Is there really any secret to a happy marriage? You bet. We came up with 5. You probably heard the old saying "sometimes love just ain't enough." Well it's true. Eventually all of those warm fuzzies wear off and all you're left with are the "nuts" and "bolts" of the relationship. The following "secrets" are certainly not exhaustive, but they are a good start towards a common sense approach to making your relationship more fulfilling and ultimately having a happy marriage.
1. You might need some marriage advice if your partner frequently has to tell you "it's not always about you." That may be a pretty good indication that they feel you are selfish and self centered. It may be time to ask yourself if you are willing to make sacrifices necessary to make your relationship work. Do you remember to kid who always had to have it their way whenever you played toys together? The girl always had to be the popular one, or the "princess", while you were one of the "servants." The guy always had to be the king, or get to play with the best toy, while you were stuck with being the "court jester", and had to play with the broken toy. And, if you didn't agree to do it their way they would get upset and not want to play with you. Didn't you get tired of playing with that person before too long? Well, relationships are a lot like that too.
Relationships don't last too long when one person always have to have it their way. Resentment tends to creep in and choke the life out of the relationship. There must be a give and take, or back and forth to your relationship. You have to find a way for both of you to "win." You must both being willing to be the one who makes the sacrifice for the sake of the other person in order to help create an environment for a happy marriage.
2. The next "secret" to a happy marriage is related to the first one - you must have the ability to compromise. Compromise takes sacrifice to the next level. You both agree to disagree and choose the next best thing to what you would have originally preferred. It goes something like: "I know you don't like sports (even though I'd really like to see the game), and we both don't want to stay at home tonight" (she wanted to go to a play, which you hate)..."so, how about we go see the concert at the Philharmonic tonight?" See, you both didn't get your first choice, but you did find a common ground that you did agree on together. Maybe next time you go to the play, and the time after that you both go to the game. I love it when a plan comes together.
3. Another key to having a happy marriage is that on occasion you do something for yourself. While it is important that you do things together as a couple, it is also important that you develop areas of interest on your own. This helps you to keep your relationship interesting and can stop the boredom from setting in. It also can help you appreciate each other more when you have periods of being apart. It makes seeing each other again even more special.
4. Another "secret" to a happy marriage involves maintaining intimacy and affection in your relationship. About 5 years ago I worked with the Healthy Families Program for new mothers and at risk children for abuse and neglect. During my training for helping new mothers bond with their newborn children I learned of some studies about the importance of touch. Specifically, how crucial it was for newborns to have the touch of both the mother and father for the healthy development of the child. Well, the same is true of a romantic relationship. The couple that hugs together, holds hands together, and kisses together...usually stays together. It is critical in order to maintain your bond as a couple.
5. The last "secret" to a happy marriage that I will address today is about finances - just the sound of that word gives me a headache. Many people feel that way. But, you can't bury your head in the sand and hope that all turns out well. You need to plan together and communicate on a regular basis regarding your finances as a couple. If you don't it is sure to bring your relationship much stress and anxiety. Even when the news is bad, you better talk about it. Trying to avoid bad financial bad news has a way of coming back to haunt you...so you better deal with it straight away.
Many couples don't talk about their money and just assume the other person will take care of it - THEY WON'T. Talk clearly and often about this. If you don't talk about you finances it will probably get worse. Debt has a way of mounting with compound interest, fees, and could even lead to small claims court. There you don't just have to pay your debt. You get to pay court costs and attorney fees too. Oh joy! So take it from me on this one. That is not a place were you want to be.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
What to Do When You No Longer Feel Connected to Your Husband
I recently received correspondence from a wife who told me that she was afraid that she losing feelings of love for her husband. She specifically said that she no longer felt "connected" or "intimate" with him and she suspected that he felt the same way. They weren't being ugly to one another or fighting or anything like that. But, they were just sort of coexisting without the feeling of togetherness that they used to enjoy.
The wife missed their connection. But honestly, when she looked at him today, she wasn't sure if she was ever going to be able to get the relationship back. She admitted that she just simply felt "sort of blank" when she looked at him or interacted with him now. The spark was gone. She loved him because he was a great person and father, but she had to wonder if she was "in love with him" anymore.
She wanted to know if I thought it was possible to restore the connectedness between them. And she wanted to know how should she go about making this happen. She felt that she owed it to her family to try to fix this, but she just didn't know where to start. I'll tell you some of the insights and suggestions I gave her in the following article.
You Have To Be Proactive To Reestablish The Connection. You Can't Just Wait And Hope For The Best: When I asked the wife what she had been trying and which of her efforts had been the most successful, there was a definite pause. She had to admit that she was really taking a sort of "wait and see" approach. Things felt awkward and she was reluctant to be the one to step outside of her comfort zone only to have her husband look at her as if she were crazy, or worse, to experience his rejection.
I understand this as my reaction was quite similar. No one wants to be the one to rock the boat. But, the problem with this approach is that if no one is going to make the first move, then you both might be sitting there for quite a while being disappointed and making assumptions that just aren't true. To ensure that you get what you want and restore the happiness that you deserve, you're likely going to have to take the initiative. Yes, this may feel vulnerable. And there might be times when you want to retreat. But honestly, retreating is what likely got you here in the first place.
Using Your Knowledge Of Your Husband And Your Relationship To Move Forward And Reconnect Rather Than Continuing On As You Are: As I said, sometimes, you have to be the one to put yourself out there. I realize that many people don't know where or how to start. However, you really do have more of a road map than you might think. You know how this relationship looked and what characteristics it had when it was most successful.
Often, when I tell people this, they will attempt to turn this around in a negative way. They'll say things like "well, when we were in love, we were both young and carefree without the responsibilities of real life. You can't possibly compare our reality then with our reality now." These points are 100 percent valid. But, they are leaving something out. When things were good, both people were putting in a whole lot of time and effort. Both people were receiving a very positive payoff which ultimately made them feel better about themselves and about how their lives were going.
So, in this way, all of the positive things that are happening in their life become projected onto the relationship. Everything looks shiny and new because we're seeing it through rose colored glasses. We feel as through finally someone appreciates us, understands us, and brings out the best of us. Unfortunately though, we all know what eventually comes next as the months turn into years and the responsibilities and not so fun things about life begin to pile on.
We begin to have trouble spinning all of the plates in the air. Something has to give. We need to allocate our time a little differently. And, we reason, our spouse knows what we are going through. They know we love them. So we hope that they give us a pass as far as the allocation of time is concerned. But what we often don't realize is that this omission is going to hurt us as well. A relationship is often only as good as what you put into it. The intensity of the feelings are going to directly relate to the quality of the efforts put in.
The good news though is that you start to restore the allocation of time and the quality of the efforts, the feelings will usually follow. You simply can't feel connected to someone if you don't feel like you're on the same page or that the same things are important to you. And these things can't happen in a vacuum. They have to be cultivated and encouraged just like everything else.
But, look at it this way. You already know that the both of you are more than capable of being happy together and feeling connected because you have been successful at this in the past. So, now is the time to begin to change the efforts so that the feelings will also change. It's easy to retreat inward as a means of self protection. But isolation is a sure fire way to feel disconnected.
Giving What You Want To Get: To begin, try to define, as precisely as you can, why you are feeling disconnected. Usually, almost every one has to admit that there is no longer a feeling of "we" or "us." Many people feel taken for granted and unappreciated. The way around this is usually to begin to provide for your spouse what you yourself want. If you feel that he doesn't notice what's important to you, begin to focus what's important to him.
If you think he's not affectionate or unappreciative, heap the attention and praise onto him. I know that this sounds backward but it really isn't. By giving what we want, we're accomplishing many things. We're showing our spouse that it's "safe" to turn our attention towards the relationship, we're changing up the stagnant culture, and we're demonstrating what we want.
Often, when you begin to give your spouse the pay off that they want, they will often respond by giving you more of what you want. That cycle of good feelings and projecting on the relationship will continue on. But this time, you're giving them positive things to project rather than negative ones.
The wife missed their connection. But honestly, when she looked at him today, she wasn't sure if she was ever going to be able to get the relationship back. She admitted that she just simply felt "sort of blank" when she looked at him or interacted with him now. The spark was gone. She loved him because he was a great person and father, but she had to wonder if she was "in love with him" anymore.
She wanted to know if I thought it was possible to restore the connectedness between them. And she wanted to know how should she go about making this happen. She felt that she owed it to her family to try to fix this, but she just didn't know where to start. I'll tell you some of the insights and suggestions I gave her in the following article.
You Have To Be Proactive To Reestablish The Connection. You Can't Just Wait And Hope For The Best: When I asked the wife what she had been trying and which of her efforts had been the most successful, there was a definite pause. She had to admit that she was really taking a sort of "wait and see" approach. Things felt awkward and she was reluctant to be the one to step outside of her comfort zone only to have her husband look at her as if she were crazy, or worse, to experience his rejection.
I understand this as my reaction was quite similar. No one wants to be the one to rock the boat. But, the problem with this approach is that if no one is going to make the first move, then you both might be sitting there for quite a while being disappointed and making assumptions that just aren't true. To ensure that you get what you want and restore the happiness that you deserve, you're likely going to have to take the initiative. Yes, this may feel vulnerable. And there might be times when you want to retreat. But honestly, retreating is what likely got you here in the first place.
Using Your Knowledge Of Your Husband And Your Relationship To Move Forward And Reconnect Rather Than Continuing On As You Are: As I said, sometimes, you have to be the one to put yourself out there. I realize that many people don't know where or how to start. However, you really do have more of a road map than you might think. You know how this relationship looked and what characteristics it had when it was most successful.
Often, when I tell people this, they will attempt to turn this around in a negative way. They'll say things like "well, when we were in love, we were both young and carefree without the responsibilities of real life. You can't possibly compare our reality then with our reality now." These points are 100 percent valid. But, they are leaving something out. When things were good, both people were putting in a whole lot of time and effort. Both people were receiving a very positive payoff which ultimately made them feel better about themselves and about how their lives were going.
So, in this way, all of the positive things that are happening in their life become projected onto the relationship. Everything looks shiny and new because we're seeing it through rose colored glasses. We feel as through finally someone appreciates us, understands us, and brings out the best of us. Unfortunately though, we all know what eventually comes next as the months turn into years and the responsibilities and not so fun things about life begin to pile on.
We begin to have trouble spinning all of the plates in the air. Something has to give. We need to allocate our time a little differently. And, we reason, our spouse knows what we are going through. They know we love them. So we hope that they give us a pass as far as the allocation of time is concerned. But what we often don't realize is that this omission is going to hurt us as well. A relationship is often only as good as what you put into it. The intensity of the feelings are going to directly relate to the quality of the efforts put in.
The good news though is that you start to restore the allocation of time and the quality of the efforts, the feelings will usually follow. You simply can't feel connected to someone if you don't feel like you're on the same page or that the same things are important to you. And these things can't happen in a vacuum. They have to be cultivated and encouraged just like everything else.
But, look at it this way. You already know that the both of you are more than capable of being happy together and feeling connected because you have been successful at this in the past. So, now is the time to begin to change the efforts so that the feelings will also change. It's easy to retreat inward as a means of self protection. But isolation is a sure fire way to feel disconnected.
Giving What You Want To Get: To begin, try to define, as precisely as you can, why you are feeling disconnected. Usually, almost every one has to admit that there is no longer a feeling of "we" or "us." Many people feel taken for granted and unappreciated. The way around this is usually to begin to provide for your spouse what you yourself want. If you feel that he doesn't notice what's important to you, begin to focus what's important to him.
If you think he's not affectionate or unappreciative, heap the attention and praise onto him. I know that this sounds backward but it really isn't. By giving what we want, we're accomplishing many things. We're showing our spouse that it's "safe" to turn our attention towards the relationship, we're changing up the stagnant culture, and we're demonstrating what we want.
Often, when you begin to give your spouse the pay off that they want, they will often respond by giving you more of what you want. That cycle of good feelings and projecting on the relationship will continue on. But this time, you're giving them positive things to project rather than negative ones.
What is a Prenuptial Agreement?
Although getting married is a romantic and exciting time in a couple's life, there are important decisions that have to be made before the wedding ceremony. Although it can be a highly uncomfortable issue, each couple must think about what would happen if the marriage were to dissolve. Statistics show that about 50% of marriage end in divorce. It is important to protect yourself because we do not know what the future will bring. One way couples can protect themselves is by entering into a Prenuptial Agreement.
So, what is a prenuptial agreement? A Prenuptial Agreement, or Prenup, is a legal contract between two people planning to get married. This contract involves making an agreed upon document for the distribution of assets if the marriage dissolves resulting in divorce. Distribution of assets can include: property and financial assets such as stocks, bonds...etc. Forms of prenups have existed for thousands of years, especially where royal families needed to protect their valuables and wealth. Although it is a difficult topic to talk about, especially when you are excited about the marriage and future, it should be part of a couples financial planning.
Experts recommend couples get a prenup for the following situations: one partner has, or is planning to acquire a home, stock investments, or retirement funds, one partner owns all or part of a business, one partner will be receiving an inheritance, one partner has children from a previous marriage, one of the partners has substantially more wealth, one partner is paying for the other's tuition or investing in the other's business, there are relatives that one is responsible for caring for, one partner owns a copyright or trademark, one is expected to see a dramatic increase in income in the next few years, and if one partner has won a lottery.
Approaching the subject of a prenuptial agreement can be tricky; however, it is important to remember that marriage is an emotional and financial union. Experts recommend bringing up the subject as early as possible in the relationship, particularly before they become engaged. It is important to be open and honest and listen to the other person's concerns to avoid causing upset.
There are often times when a prenup may be contested during a divorce. This is often due to changing circumstances such as child support issues or one person may have violated the agreement such as hiding assets when the prenup was created. Many volatile divorces will include challenges of prenuptial agreements so it is important not to hide anything as it may come back to take a big bite out of your bank account.
Obviously prenuptial agreements are not romantic and can be awkward to talk about; however, because there is such a high rate of divorce, it is important to consider a prenup before you get engaged. Remember, in order to be considered a legal document, a prenup must be written, signed by both parties, and notarized. It just makes financial sense to get a prenup and then move forward and enjoy your marriage.
So, what is a prenuptial agreement? A Prenuptial Agreement, or Prenup, is a legal contract between two people planning to get married. This contract involves making an agreed upon document for the distribution of assets if the marriage dissolves resulting in divorce. Distribution of assets can include: property and financial assets such as stocks, bonds...etc. Forms of prenups have existed for thousands of years, especially where royal families needed to protect their valuables and wealth. Although it is a difficult topic to talk about, especially when you are excited about the marriage and future, it should be part of a couples financial planning.
Experts recommend couples get a prenup for the following situations: one partner has, or is planning to acquire a home, stock investments, or retirement funds, one partner owns all or part of a business, one partner will be receiving an inheritance, one partner has children from a previous marriage, one of the partners has substantially more wealth, one partner is paying for the other's tuition or investing in the other's business, there are relatives that one is responsible for caring for, one partner owns a copyright or trademark, one is expected to see a dramatic increase in income in the next few years, and if one partner has won a lottery.
Approaching the subject of a prenuptial agreement can be tricky; however, it is important to remember that marriage is an emotional and financial union. Experts recommend bringing up the subject as early as possible in the relationship, particularly before they become engaged. It is important to be open and honest and listen to the other person's concerns to avoid causing upset.
There are often times when a prenup may be contested during a divorce. This is often due to changing circumstances such as child support issues or one person may have violated the agreement such as hiding assets when the prenup was created. Many volatile divorces will include challenges of prenuptial agreements so it is important not to hide anything as it may come back to take a big bite out of your bank account.
Obviously prenuptial agreements are not romantic and can be awkward to talk about; however, because there is such a high rate of divorce, it is important to consider a prenup before you get engaged. Remember, in order to be considered a legal document, a prenup must be written, signed by both parties, and notarized. It just makes financial sense to get a prenup and then move forward and enjoy your marriage.
How You Can Avoid Falling Out of Love in Your Marriage
This culture we are now living in has ingrained the thought of upgrading into our lives. Our desktop computers, cars, cameras, laptops, cell phones, perhaps even our properties are continuously prospects for upgrades.
It feels like individuals have taken this idea of upgrading one step further and carried it out on non-material things, particularly their relationship as proven by growing divorce rates. (Yup! Step right up and trade in your current significant other for a new and improved one!) It truly is normal to question ways to avoid the urge to upgrade, when you live in this sort of world. What's promising is you possess the strength to hold your relationship together. Below are a few details to remember so its possible to refrain from falling out of love in marriage.
Upgrading is not an option
Upgrading can be as easy as looking for a more sophisticated one and getting the funds to purchase it, for items that don't have a contract (such as a digital camera or laptop). You have to hang on until the agreement is fulfilled prior to upgrading or pay a fee, for things having a contract (such as a mortgage). Consider your marriage vows as being a agreement. Remember that your contract fulfillment date is "Until death do us part."
When it comes to marriage, there isn't an opportunity to upgrade. The early upgrade fees can be very high, sentimentally as well as in financial terms, since divorce is just like reneging on your agreement. Keep in mind that your vows are a contract and there are repercussions for reneging on it, and this will help to prevent you from falling out of love in marriage.
Where is the grass really greener?
Newer will not mean better. That is the other point to consider as a way to avoid falling out of love. After a divorce, many people generally think that most of their challenges will be gone. Indeed, your relationship complications will be gone. Even so, a completely new list of difficulties comes with becoming divorced.
So ask yourself, is the grass truly greener on the other side? Probably not. It'll be more effective making sure that the grass is always greener on your side of the fence by working on fixing your marriage.
It's all based on expectations
There marriage is certainly no story book finale with regards to life after marriage. Starting off with unrealistic expectations will be the fastest strategy to falling out of love in marriage. Preferably, count on marriage to be full of ups and downs.
The main element to not falling out of love and making it through the bad times would be to understand that you and your partner are there to help the other through it. Because you shouldn't expect things to always be perfect, you can anticipate your husband or wife to stay by you when things aren't ideal.
It feels like individuals have taken this idea of upgrading one step further and carried it out on non-material things, particularly their relationship as proven by growing divorce rates. (Yup! Step right up and trade in your current significant other for a new and improved one!) It truly is normal to question ways to avoid the urge to upgrade, when you live in this sort of world. What's promising is you possess the strength to hold your relationship together. Below are a few details to remember so its possible to refrain from falling out of love in marriage.
Upgrading is not an option
Upgrading can be as easy as looking for a more sophisticated one and getting the funds to purchase it, for items that don't have a contract (such as a digital camera or laptop). You have to hang on until the agreement is fulfilled prior to upgrading or pay a fee, for things having a contract (such as a mortgage). Consider your marriage vows as being a agreement. Remember that your contract fulfillment date is "Until death do us part."
When it comes to marriage, there isn't an opportunity to upgrade. The early upgrade fees can be very high, sentimentally as well as in financial terms, since divorce is just like reneging on your agreement. Keep in mind that your vows are a contract and there are repercussions for reneging on it, and this will help to prevent you from falling out of love in marriage.
Where is the grass really greener?
Newer will not mean better. That is the other point to consider as a way to avoid falling out of love. After a divorce, many people generally think that most of their challenges will be gone. Indeed, your relationship complications will be gone. Even so, a completely new list of difficulties comes with becoming divorced.
So ask yourself, is the grass truly greener on the other side? Probably not. It'll be more effective making sure that the grass is always greener on your side of the fence by working on fixing your marriage.
It's all based on expectations
There marriage is certainly no story book finale with regards to life after marriage. Starting off with unrealistic expectations will be the fastest strategy to falling out of love in marriage. Preferably, count on marriage to be full of ups and downs.
The main element to not falling out of love and making it through the bad times would be to understand that you and your partner are there to help the other through it. Because you shouldn't expect things to always be perfect, you can anticipate your husband or wife to stay by you when things aren't ideal.
5 Things Couples Should Do to Stay Happy
Happy couples seem very common, but in fact it isn't true, most aren't that happy all of the time. A few people are lucky to meet their soul mate, but this isn't necessary to being happy in a relationship. Here are a few tips to make your partnership happier.
Talk to your partner, this doesn't mean waffling about your problems, it means asking your significant other about them, how was their day at work, is anything bothering them? It seems like such an easy thing to do but it works because we all like to feel someone is listening.
Enjoy the simple things life gives you, a walk in the park with your partner, barbeques or picnics as a family, picking a small bunch of flowers for her, giving him a moment to read his paper. Yes, these are cliches, but they really help couples stay happy with each other.
Be thankful for the good things your partner brings to your relationship, we all fall in love for a reason, and the reasons we love another person should outweigh the bad things. So what if she wants to cuddle when you're watching football, it doesn't matter if he cleans less often, be thankful your partner is there with you.
Make do with what you've got instead of frustrated about the things you don't have. Remember that most of us have a home, food, electricity, but a lot of people don't. Instead talk to your partner about your dreams, and see if together you can find a way to achieve your goals.
Live life with passion, this is really important, happy couples seem to take everything in their stride and put 100% of their energy into enjoying their time together. If you are really passionate about your lives this alone will remove most of the small problems couple face.
Talk to your partner, this doesn't mean waffling about your problems, it means asking your significant other about them, how was their day at work, is anything bothering them? It seems like such an easy thing to do but it works because we all like to feel someone is listening.
Enjoy the simple things life gives you, a walk in the park with your partner, barbeques or picnics as a family, picking a small bunch of flowers for her, giving him a moment to read his paper. Yes, these are cliches, but they really help couples stay happy with each other.
Be thankful for the good things your partner brings to your relationship, we all fall in love for a reason, and the reasons we love another person should outweigh the bad things. So what if she wants to cuddle when you're watching football, it doesn't matter if he cleans less often, be thankful your partner is there with you.
Make do with what you've got instead of frustrated about the things you don't have. Remember that most of us have a home, food, electricity, but a lot of people don't. Instead talk to your partner about your dreams, and see if together you can find a way to achieve your goals.
Live life with passion, this is really important, happy couples seem to take everything in their stride and put 100% of their energy into enjoying their time together. If you are really passionate about your lives this alone will remove most of the small problems couple face.
How to Prevent Extra Marital Affairs
Women often marry with a goal of keeping their relationship for a lifetime. However, this does not always happen the way they want it. Sometimes, problems set in with the worst being extra marital affairs.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
How to Prevent Extra Marital Affairs
Women often marry with a goal of keeping their relationship for a lifetime. However, this does not always happen the way they want it. Sometimes, problems set in with the worst being extra marital affairs.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
Tips to Keep Your Marriage From Aging!
That one momentous decision, when you decided to share your life with that very special person, ushered in boundless joy, happiness and an experience second to none of the experiences you've had before. As the days rolled by you even wonder how you had lived without each other so long.
Then as the days turn into years you discover that without your realizing your priorities have changed from each other to the nitty gritties involved in the running of your lives-the bills, the children's schools, a better lifestyle etc.
Most marriages go through this stage and come out of it by making conscious effort to shift focus. But, instances where people have gone through marriages that have lasted thirty to forty years with the partners living in two different worlds is also common.
But keeping the flame of love burning is not back breaking work and the results are a lifetime of sheer bliss and togetherness. So, its well worth a try.
- Look at your life together as one. Weave things that that are meaningful to you as a person and those that are meaningful to your spouse into the fabric of your married life.
For instance there may be things around the house that you think are useless. But, they are your spouse's precious possessions. Instead of trying to convince him/her to see your viewpoint the issue is best left untackled.
- Take note of all the little things that you used to give so much importance to during the initial years of your marriage. Remember how you used to call him up, "just like that"? or give him a reminder call just before lunch. Or better still check out his/ her schedule and fix a surprise lunch/ dinner date.
- Make it a point to eat at least one meal together.
- Remove the television from the bedroom and the drawing room.
- Develop a hobby together. Make it a ritual to spend at least half an hour together on your chosen hobby.
- Do not take quarrels back to bed. Always make up before you go to bed.
- Let go of the past. If you have painful memories of some pain or hurt inflicted upon you by your spouse haunting you even now then just forgive and forget.
- Don't contradict or criticize your spouse in front of others. Something that comes naturally to most couples who have married for a while.
- Praise your spouse (good idea to have him/her) within hearing distance to others.
- Don't compare him with Mr. A, B or C
- Cherish small things. Like a call made to you to ask you if you had eaten lunch. Or a cute 'miss you' SMS.
- After a few years of togetherness whining and complaining seems to come very naturally to us. Be careful about this. It can be very dangerous. Whenever possible try to refrain from doing this.
- Consult each other when taking important decisions. Many of us seem to feel that this is not necessary because your spouse had absolute faith in you/your taste.
- Take interest or at least show some interest and enthusiasm in things that interest your spouse.
- Complement each other.
- Don't keep secrets from one another.
- Make your spouse feel special by doing meaningful things. Like taking care of the kids and the house while she spends a leisurely day at the beauty parlour.
- Be honest with each other.
- Last but not the least, say the magic words "I love you" to each other every single day.
Then as the days turn into years you discover that without your realizing your priorities have changed from each other to the nitty gritties involved in the running of your lives-the bills, the children's schools, a better lifestyle etc.
Most marriages go through this stage and come out of it by making conscious effort to shift focus. But, instances where people have gone through marriages that have lasted thirty to forty years with the partners living in two different worlds is also common.
But keeping the flame of love burning is not back breaking work and the results are a lifetime of sheer bliss and togetherness. So, its well worth a try.
- Look at your life together as one. Weave things that that are meaningful to you as a person and those that are meaningful to your spouse into the fabric of your married life.
For instance there may be things around the house that you think are useless. But, they are your spouse's precious possessions. Instead of trying to convince him/her to see your viewpoint the issue is best left untackled.
- Take note of all the little things that you used to give so much importance to during the initial years of your marriage. Remember how you used to call him up, "just like that"? or give him a reminder call just before lunch. Or better still check out his/ her schedule and fix a surprise lunch/ dinner date.
- Make it a point to eat at least one meal together.
- Remove the television from the bedroom and the drawing room.
- Develop a hobby together. Make it a ritual to spend at least half an hour together on your chosen hobby.
- Do not take quarrels back to bed. Always make up before you go to bed.
- Let go of the past. If you have painful memories of some pain or hurt inflicted upon you by your spouse haunting you even now then just forgive and forget.
- Don't contradict or criticize your spouse in front of others. Something that comes naturally to most couples who have married for a while.
- Praise your spouse (good idea to have him/her) within hearing distance to others.
- Don't compare him with Mr. A, B or C
- Cherish small things. Like a call made to you to ask you if you had eaten lunch. Or a cute 'miss you' SMS.
- After a few years of togetherness whining and complaining seems to come very naturally to us. Be careful about this. It can be very dangerous. Whenever possible try to refrain from doing this.
- Consult each other when taking important decisions. Many of us seem to feel that this is not necessary because your spouse had absolute faith in you/your taste.
- Take interest or at least show some interest and enthusiasm in things that interest your spouse.
- Complement each other.
- Don't keep secrets from one another.
- Make your spouse feel special by doing meaningful things. Like taking care of the kids and the house while she spends a leisurely day at the beauty parlour.
- Be honest with each other.
- Last but not the least, say the magic words "I love you" to each other every single day.
My Husband Doesn't Spend Time With Me - Does This Mean My Marriage is About to Be Over?
Are you worried because your husband doesn't seem to want to spend time with you anymore like he once did?
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
My Husband Doesn't Spend Time With Me - Does This Mean My Marriage is About to Be Over?
Are you worried because your husband doesn't seem to want to spend time with you anymore like he once did?
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
Want to Know If You Live in a Broken Marriage?
So you want to know if you live in a broken marriage?
I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.
People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.
Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.
Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.
So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.
You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.
So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?
Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.
Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?
What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.
Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.
No blaming anyone else for how you feel.
When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.
Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.
If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.
When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.
If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.
In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.
Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.
People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.
Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.
Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.
So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.
You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.
So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?
Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.
Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?
What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.
Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.
No blaming anyone else for how you feel.
When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.
Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.
If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.
When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.
If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.
In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.
Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Want to Avoid a Broken Marriage? This Guide Shows You How
So you want to avoid a broken marriage?
Marriage is not the time or place for trial and error. You do not need to figure it all out for yourself.
Follow these guidelines to avoid a broken marriage and create the relationship you always wanted.
Know who you are before entering into the marriage. You need to stand in your own power and maintain your individuality in the marriage just as you did before making that commitment.
When you get married you do not become two halves of one whole. You continue to be two individuals living your individual lives while sharing one life together.
Always remember that fact. You do not belong to your spouse. Your spouse does not belong to you.
In a loving free and open relationship each spouse brings out the best in the other person. Look for the good in your partner and you will always find it - always.
Tell your spouse what to do to support you. If you expect that person to guess you will likely wind up feeling disappointed. Most people do not read the minds of others and that includes your spouse.
Would you really want that person (or anyone) to read your mind?
Sure, knowing you are connected on such a deep level feels great - sometimes. Remaining independent within the relationship allows you the freedom to be who you are and all you can grow to be.
Develop communication skills that make your spouse want to talk to you and also listen to you. Notice I said listen and not just hear.
Know how to be 100% present with your spouse when you do things together. In those moments your partner must be the most important person in the whole world and vice-versa.
Appreciate each other verbally and physically. The top needs of all human beings include love, touch and appreciation.
Loving and feeling loved keeps your relationship solid allowing both of you to know together you can overcome any obstacle and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at you.
Remember to hug one another every day, a minimum of fours times, preferably eight or more. Virginia Satir, the founder of family therapy, taught us that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive.
Hug and say, "I love you" in the way your spouse needs to hear, feel or see those words/feelings. Never assume the other person likes what you do. Ask them what love means to them and show them love that they will define as love. Do the same for yourself by telling them what love is for you
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Marriage is not the time or place for trial and error. You do not need to figure it all out for yourself.
Follow these guidelines to avoid a broken marriage and create the relationship you always wanted.
Know who you are before entering into the marriage. You need to stand in your own power and maintain your individuality in the marriage just as you did before making that commitment.
When you get married you do not become two halves of one whole. You continue to be two individuals living your individual lives while sharing one life together.
Always remember that fact. You do not belong to your spouse. Your spouse does not belong to you.
In a loving free and open relationship each spouse brings out the best in the other person. Look for the good in your partner and you will always find it - always.
Tell your spouse what to do to support you. If you expect that person to guess you will likely wind up feeling disappointed. Most people do not read the minds of others and that includes your spouse.
Would you really want that person (or anyone) to read your mind?
Sure, knowing you are connected on such a deep level feels great - sometimes. Remaining independent within the relationship allows you the freedom to be who you are and all you can grow to be.
Develop communication skills that make your spouse want to talk to you and also listen to you. Notice I said listen and not just hear.
Know how to be 100% present with your spouse when you do things together. In those moments your partner must be the most important person in the whole world and vice-versa.
Appreciate each other verbally and physically. The top needs of all human beings include love, touch and appreciation.
Loving and feeling loved keeps your relationship solid allowing both of you to know together you can overcome any obstacle and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at you.
Remember to hug one another every day, a minimum of fours times, preferably eight or more. Virginia Satir, the founder of family therapy, taught us that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive.
Hug and say, "I love you" in the way your spouse needs to hear, feel or see those words/feelings. Never assume the other person likes what you do. Ask them what love means to them and show them love that they will define as love. Do the same for yourself by telling them what love is for you
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Be willing to sacrifice yourself Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself
Be willing to sacrifice yourself
Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the marriage. That's not to say you banish any of your interests, but you make sure you align them to your marriage in order to put your relationship first. If you put your marriage as your first priority then then the relationship will flourish because of the hard work you are putting in.
Find interests that align themselves to both of you
Do you have interests you want to pursue together. What do you both like doing? What do you both find fun? If you like similar things then it makes it easier, for instance going to the movies or going out to great restaurants. But if one of you is fanatical about a particular hobby that the other person does not particularly enjoy, then you are probably going to have to find ways of accommodating that into the marriage without damaging the relationship. By having the same interests though, this means spending more quality time together and enjoying life with your partner more.
Let go of the things that get in the way
If there are things that get in the way of the relationship, then let go of them, or dumb them down for the sake of the marriage. For instance, if you love to go to the bar, then just don't go so much. Your marriage is more important than the guys at the bar. If you love going to football games, make sure they dont take priority over spending time with your partner. If you really want to continue to include some of these activities within your marriage, try and find ways of including your partner in things that you do, so that you both enjoy them together.
Throw yourself in wholeheartedly
Embrace your marriage wholeheartedly, and your marriage will last the distance. If you start putting things in ahead of the relationship, then your relationship will struggle. Think about what needs to be the priority in your life and make it happen, and if your marriage is your priority then embrace it with 100% commitment.
Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the marriage. That's not to say you banish any of your interests, but you make sure you align them to your marriage in order to put your relationship first. If you put your marriage as your first priority then then the relationship will flourish because of the hard work you are putting in.
Find interests that align themselves to both of you
Do you have interests you want to pursue together. What do you both like doing? What do you both find fun? If you like similar things then it makes it easier, for instance going to the movies or going out to great restaurants. But if one of you is fanatical about a particular hobby that the other person does not particularly enjoy, then you are probably going to have to find ways of accommodating that into the marriage without damaging the relationship. By having the same interests though, this means spending more quality time together and enjoying life with your partner more.
Let go of the things that get in the way
If there are things that get in the way of the relationship, then let go of them, or dumb them down for the sake of the marriage. For instance, if you love to go to the bar, then just don't go so much. Your marriage is more important than the guys at the bar. If you love going to football games, make sure they dont take priority over spending time with your partner. If you really want to continue to include some of these activities within your marriage, try and find ways of including your partner in things that you do, so that you both enjoy them together.
Throw yourself in wholeheartedly
Embrace your marriage wholeheartedly, and your marriage will last the distance. If you start putting things in ahead of the relationship, then your relationship will struggle. Think about what needs to be the priority in your life and make it happen, and if your marriage is your priority then embrace it with 100% commitment.
Do You Have What it Takes to Have a Happy Marriage?
In my job as a pastor and counselor, I deal with many unhappy marriages. On average, the husband is usually reluctant to admit that he needs help while the wife is trying to drag him into my office. The male ego takes a blow when he must admit that he has a problem, that there might be something that he can't handle or hasn't the ability to deal with.
But this thinking is all wrong! There is no particular skill set one must have in order to have a happy marriage. It's not about money, talent, or intelligence. A happy marriage does not depend upon these things.
I believe that everyone is capable of having a good marriage. In fact, in the ten years I've counseled and dealt with marriages, I have yet to see one that doesn't have the potential to be happy. It is not a lack of skills, talent, or intelligence that is causing your marriage problems. It may not even be a lack of love.
The problem is that you may not have the necessary tools or knowledge to build a happy marriage. Everyone is capable! It is merely a lack of tools and knowledge. Give a couple the right knowledge and tools, and they can fix most of the issues in their marriage.
For example, let's take a car that needs the engine overhauled. If you have neither the tools nor the knowledge, you personally can't fix it. If you have all the tools, but not the knowledge, you still can't fix it. If you have the knowledge and only a screwdriver, you won't be able to overhaul the engine. It takes both.
As a counselor and Pastor, I try to give people both the knowledge of how a happy marriage is supposed to be and the tools to achieve it. I don't think that I can actually fix anyone's marriage. I just provide the means for them to do it themselves.
You're capable, but you might just be lacking in some tools and knowledge.
GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
Naturally I'm a bit biased in this area. And I prefer a Christian counselor over a secular one. The secular philosophy on a happy marriage is different than a Christian's. That being said, you ought to choose someone that both you and your spouse can trust and allow them to give you the right tools and knowledge.
Don't think that you'll never need advice or help. When you have an emotional stake in a marriage problem you'll not have the aptitude to see the problem clearly. It takes someone who doesn't have an emotional stake in it to give you the right perspective and direction.
Don't fear advice! The Bible teaches us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). There is no shame in it and you don't have to feel inadequate or incapable. After all, if you had the right knowledge and tools, you could fix the problem yourself.
STUDY MARRIAGE
At some point, you must believe that marriage is important enough to study. I study marriage. I read books. I listen to sermons on it. I listen to lectures on it. I observe. I ask questions. I want all the resources at my disposal as possible to build my marriage.
The common mistake that most couples make is when things are going good. It is here that they relax, drop their guard, and begin to ignore the marriage. Be on a constant hunt to gain knowledge and tools.
Knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings wisdom. You don't have to be intelligent to get this. In fact, most people confuse knowledge for intelligence. If you want wisdom in your marriage, it starts with knowledge.
But this thinking is all wrong! There is no particular skill set one must have in order to have a happy marriage. It's not about money, talent, or intelligence. A happy marriage does not depend upon these things.
I believe that everyone is capable of having a good marriage. In fact, in the ten years I've counseled and dealt with marriages, I have yet to see one that doesn't have the potential to be happy. It is not a lack of skills, talent, or intelligence that is causing your marriage problems. It may not even be a lack of love.
The problem is that you may not have the necessary tools or knowledge to build a happy marriage. Everyone is capable! It is merely a lack of tools and knowledge. Give a couple the right knowledge and tools, and they can fix most of the issues in their marriage.
For example, let's take a car that needs the engine overhauled. If you have neither the tools nor the knowledge, you personally can't fix it. If you have all the tools, but not the knowledge, you still can't fix it. If you have the knowledge and only a screwdriver, you won't be able to overhaul the engine. It takes both.
As a counselor and Pastor, I try to give people both the knowledge of how a happy marriage is supposed to be and the tools to achieve it. I don't think that I can actually fix anyone's marriage. I just provide the means for them to do it themselves.
You're capable, but you might just be lacking in some tools and knowledge.
GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
Naturally I'm a bit biased in this area. And I prefer a Christian counselor over a secular one. The secular philosophy on a happy marriage is different than a Christian's. That being said, you ought to choose someone that both you and your spouse can trust and allow them to give you the right tools and knowledge.
Don't think that you'll never need advice or help. When you have an emotional stake in a marriage problem you'll not have the aptitude to see the problem clearly. It takes someone who doesn't have an emotional stake in it to give you the right perspective and direction.
Don't fear advice! The Bible teaches us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). There is no shame in it and you don't have to feel inadequate or incapable. After all, if you had the right knowledge and tools, you could fix the problem yourself.
STUDY MARRIAGE
At some point, you must believe that marriage is important enough to study. I study marriage. I read books. I listen to sermons on it. I listen to lectures on it. I observe. I ask questions. I want all the resources at my disposal as possible to build my marriage.
The common mistake that most couples make is when things are going good. It is here that they relax, drop their guard, and begin to ignore the marriage. Be on a constant hunt to gain knowledge and tools.
Knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings wisdom. You don't have to be intelligent to get this. In fact, most people confuse knowledge for intelligence. If you want wisdom in your marriage, it starts with knowledge.
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