Want to Know If You Live in a Broken Marriage?

So you want to know if you live in a broken marriage?

I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.

People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.

Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.

Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.

So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.

You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.

So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?

Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.

Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?

What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.

Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.

No blaming anyone else for how you feel.

When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.

Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.

If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.

When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.

If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.

In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.

Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.

Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.