That one momentous decision, when you decided to share your life with that very special person, ushered in boundless joy, happiness and an experience second to none of the experiences you've had before. As the days rolled by you even wonder how you had lived without each other so long.
Then as the days turn into years you discover that without your realizing your priorities have changed from each other to the nitty gritties involved in the running of your lives-the bills, the children's schools, a better lifestyle etc.
Most marriages go through this stage and come out of it by making conscious effort to shift focus. But, instances where people have gone through marriages that have lasted thirty to forty years with the partners living in two different worlds is also common.
But keeping the flame of love burning is not back breaking work and the results are a lifetime of sheer bliss and togetherness. So, its well worth a try.
- Look at your life together as one. Weave things that that are meaningful to you as a person and those that are meaningful to your spouse into the fabric of your married life.
For instance there may be things around the house that you think are useless. But, they are your spouse's precious possessions. Instead of trying to convince him/her to see your viewpoint the issue is best left untackled.
- Take note of all the little things that you used to give so much importance to during the initial years of your marriage. Remember how you used to call him up, "just like that"? or give him a reminder call just before lunch. Or better still check out his/ her schedule and fix a surprise lunch/ dinner date.
- Make it a point to eat at least one meal together.
- Remove the television from the bedroom and the drawing room.
- Develop a hobby together. Make it a ritual to spend at least half an hour together on your chosen hobby.
- Do not take quarrels back to bed. Always make up before you go to bed.
- Let go of the past. If you have painful memories of some pain or hurt inflicted upon you by your spouse haunting you even now then just forgive and forget.
- Don't contradict or criticize your spouse in front of others. Something that comes naturally to most couples who have married for a while.
- Praise your spouse (good idea to have him/her) within hearing distance to others.
- Don't compare him with Mr. A, B or C
- Cherish small things. Like a call made to you to ask you if you had eaten lunch. Or a cute 'miss you' SMS.
- After a few years of togetherness whining and complaining seems to come very naturally to us. Be careful about this. It can be very dangerous. Whenever possible try to refrain from doing this.
- Consult each other when taking important decisions. Many of us seem to feel that this is not necessary because your spouse had absolute faith in you/your taste.
- Take interest or at least show some interest and enthusiasm in things that interest your spouse.
- Complement each other.
- Don't keep secrets from one another.
- Make your spouse feel special by doing meaningful things. Like taking care of the kids and the house while she spends a leisurely day at the beauty parlour.
- Be honest with each other.
- Last but not the least, say the magic words "I love you" to each other every single day.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
My Husband Doesn't Spend Time With Me - Does This Mean My Marriage is About to Be Over?
Are you worried because your husband doesn't seem to want to spend time with you anymore like he once did?
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
My Husband Doesn't Spend Time With Me - Does This Mean My Marriage is About to Be Over?
Are you worried because your husband doesn't seem to want to spend time with you anymore like he once did?
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
Want to Know If You Live in a Broken Marriage?
So you want to know if you live in a broken marriage?
I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.
People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.
Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.
Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.
So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.
You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.
So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?
Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.
Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?
What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.
Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.
No blaming anyone else for how you feel.
When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.
Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.
If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.
When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.
If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.
In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.
Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.
People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.
Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.
Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.
So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.
You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.
So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?
Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.
Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?
What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.
Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.
No blaming anyone else for how you feel.
When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.
Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.
If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.
When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.
If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.
In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.
Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Want to Avoid a Broken Marriage? This Guide Shows You How
So you want to avoid a broken marriage?
Marriage is not the time or place for trial and error. You do not need to figure it all out for yourself.
Follow these guidelines to avoid a broken marriage and create the relationship you always wanted.
Know who you are before entering into the marriage. You need to stand in your own power and maintain your individuality in the marriage just as you did before making that commitment.
When you get married you do not become two halves of one whole. You continue to be two individuals living your individual lives while sharing one life together.
Always remember that fact. You do not belong to your spouse. Your spouse does not belong to you.
In a loving free and open relationship each spouse brings out the best in the other person. Look for the good in your partner and you will always find it - always.
Tell your spouse what to do to support you. If you expect that person to guess you will likely wind up feeling disappointed. Most people do not read the minds of others and that includes your spouse.
Would you really want that person (or anyone) to read your mind?
Sure, knowing you are connected on such a deep level feels great - sometimes. Remaining independent within the relationship allows you the freedom to be who you are and all you can grow to be.
Develop communication skills that make your spouse want to talk to you and also listen to you. Notice I said listen and not just hear.
Know how to be 100% present with your spouse when you do things together. In those moments your partner must be the most important person in the whole world and vice-versa.
Appreciate each other verbally and physically. The top needs of all human beings include love, touch and appreciation.
Loving and feeling loved keeps your relationship solid allowing both of you to know together you can overcome any obstacle and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at you.
Remember to hug one another every day, a minimum of fours times, preferably eight or more. Virginia Satir, the founder of family therapy, taught us that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive.
Hug and say, "I love you" in the way your spouse needs to hear, feel or see those words/feelings. Never assume the other person likes what you do. Ask them what love means to them and show them love that they will define as love. Do the same for yourself by telling them what love is for you
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Marriage is not the time or place for trial and error. You do not need to figure it all out for yourself.
Follow these guidelines to avoid a broken marriage and create the relationship you always wanted.
Know who you are before entering into the marriage. You need to stand in your own power and maintain your individuality in the marriage just as you did before making that commitment.
When you get married you do not become two halves of one whole. You continue to be two individuals living your individual lives while sharing one life together.
Always remember that fact. You do not belong to your spouse. Your spouse does not belong to you.
In a loving free and open relationship each spouse brings out the best in the other person. Look for the good in your partner and you will always find it - always.
Tell your spouse what to do to support you. If you expect that person to guess you will likely wind up feeling disappointed. Most people do not read the minds of others and that includes your spouse.
Would you really want that person (or anyone) to read your mind?
Sure, knowing you are connected on such a deep level feels great - sometimes. Remaining independent within the relationship allows you the freedom to be who you are and all you can grow to be.
Develop communication skills that make your spouse want to talk to you and also listen to you. Notice I said listen and not just hear.
Know how to be 100% present with your spouse when you do things together. In those moments your partner must be the most important person in the whole world and vice-versa.
Appreciate each other verbally and physically. The top needs of all human beings include love, touch and appreciation.
Loving and feeling loved keeps your relationship solid allowing both of you to know together you can overcome any obstacle and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at you.
Remember to hug one another every day, a minimum of fours times, preferably eight or more. Virginia Satir, the founder of family therapy, taught us that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive.
Hug and say, "I love you" in the way your spouse needs to hear, feel or see those words/feelings. Never assume the other person likes what you do. Ask them what love means to them and show them love that they will define as love. Do the same for yourself by telling them what love is for you
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Be willing to sacrifice yourself Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself
Be willing to sacrifice yourself
Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the marriage. That's not to say you banish any of your interests, but you make sure you align them to your marriage in order to put your relationship first. If you put your marriage as your first priority then then the relationship will flourish because of the hard work you are putting in.
Find interests that align themselves to both of you
Do you have interests you want to pursue together. What do you both like doing? What do you both find fun? If you like similar things then it makes it easier, for instance going to the movies or going out to great restaurants. But if one of you is fanatical about a particular hobby that the other person does not particularly enjoy, then you are probably going to have to find ways of accommodating that into the marriage without damaging the relationship. By having the same interests though, this means spending more quality time together and enjoying life with your partner more.
Let go of the things that get in the way
If there are things that get in the way of the relationship, then let go of them, or dumb them down for the sake of the marriage. For instance, if you love to go to the bar, then just don't go so much. Your marriage is more important than the guys at the bar. If you love going to football games, make sure they dont take priority over spending time with your partner. If you really want to continue to include some of these activities within your marriage, try and find ways of including your partner in things that you do, so that you both enjoy them together.
Throw yourself in wholeheartedly
Embrace your marriage wholeheartedly, and your marriage will last the distance. If you start putting things in ahead of the relationship, then your relationship will struggle. Think about what needs to be the priority in your life and make it happen, and if your marriage is your priority then embrace it with 100% commitment.
Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the marriage. That's not to say you banish any of your interests, but you make sure you align them to your marriage in order to put your relationship first. If you put your marriage as your first priority then then the relationship will flourish because of the hard work you are putting in.
Find interests that align themselves to both of you
Do you have interests you want to pursue together. What do you both like doing? What do you both find fun? If you like similar things then it makes it easier, for instance going to the movies or going out to great restaurants. But if one of you is fanatical about a particular hobby that the other person does not particularly enjoy, then you are probably going to have to find ways of accommodating that into the marriage without damaging the relationship. By having the same interests though, this means spending more quality time together and enjoying life with your partner more.
Let go of the things that get in the way
If there are things that get in the way of the relationship, then let go of them, or dumb them down for the sake of the marriage. For instance, if you love to go to the bar, then just don't go so much. Your marriage is more important than the guys at the bar. If you love going to football games, make sure they dont take priority over spending time with your partner. If you really want to continue to include some of these activities within your marriage, try and find ways of including your partner in things that you do, so that you both enjoy them together.
Throw yourself in wholeheartedly
Embrace your marriage wholeheartedly, and your marriage will last the distance. If you start putting things in ahead of the relationship, then your relationship will struggle. Think about what needs to be the priority in your life and make it happen, and if your marriage is your priority then embrace it with 100% commitment.
Do You Have What it Takes to Have a Happy Marriage?
In my job as a pastor and counselor, I deal with many unhappy marriages. On average, the husband is usually reluctant to admit that he needs help while the wife is trying to drag him into my office. The male ego takes a blow when he must admit that he has a problem, that there might be something that he can't handle or hasn't the ability to deal with.
But this thinking is all wrong! There is no particular skill set one must have in order to have a happy marriage. It's not about money, talent, or intelligence. A happy marriage does not depend upon these things.
I believe that everyone is capable of having a good marriage. In fact, in the ten years I've counseled and dealt with marriages, I have yet to see one that doesn't have the potential to be happy. It is not a lack of skills, talent, or intelligence that is causing your marriage problems. It may not even be a lack of love.
The problem is that you may not have the necessary tools or knowledge to build a happy marriage. Everyone is capable! It is merely a lack of tools and knowledge. Give a couple the right knowledge and tools, and they can fix most of the issues in their marriage.
For example, let's take a car that needs the engine overhauled. If you have neither the tools nor the knowledge, you personally can't fix it. If you have all the tools, but not the knowledge, you still can't fix it. If you have the knowledge and only a screwdriver, you won't be able to overhaul the engine. It takes both.
As a counselor and Pastor, I try to give people both the knowledge of how a happy marriage is supposed to be and the tools to achieve it. I don't think that I can actually fix anyone's marriage. I just provide the means for them to do it themselves.
You're capable, but you might just be lacking in some tools and knowledge.
GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
Naturally I'm a bit biased in this area. And I prefer a Christian counselor over a secular one. The secular philosophy on a happy marriage is different than a Christian's. That being said, you ought to choose someone that both you and your spouse can trust and allow them to give you the right tools and knowledge.
Don't think that you'll never need advice or help. When you have an emotional stake in a marriage problem you'll not have the aptitude to see the problem clearly. It takes someone who doesn't have an emotional stake in it to give you the right perspective and direction.
Don't fear advice! The Bible teaches us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). There is no shame in it and you don't have to feel inadequate or incapable. After all, if you had the right knowledge and tools, you could fix the problem yourself.
STUDY MARRIAGE
At some point, you must believe that marriage is important enough to study. I study marriage. I read books. I listen to sermons on it. I listen to lectures on it. I observe. I ask questions. I want all the resources at my disposal as possible to build my marriage.
The common mistake that most couples make is when things are going good. It is here that they relax, drop their guard, and begin to ignore the marriage. Be on a constant hunt to gain knowledge and tools.
Knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings wisdom. You don't have to be intelligent to get this. In fact, most people confuse knowledge for intelligence. If you want wisdom in your marriage, it starts with knowledge.
But this thinking is all wrong! There is no particular skill set one must have in order to have a happy marriage. It's not about money, talent, or intelligence. A happy marriage does not depend upon these things.
I believe that everyone is capable of having a good marriage. In fact, in the ten years I've counseled and dealt with marriages, I have yet to see one that doesn't have the potential to be happy. It is not a lack of skills, talent, or intelligence that is causing your marriage problems. It may not even be a lack of love.
The problem is that you may not have the necessary tools or knowledge to build a happy marriage. Everyone is capable! It is merely a lack of tools and knowledge. Give a couple the right knowledge and tools, and they can fix most of the issues in their marriage.
For example, let's take a car that needs the engine overhauled. If you have neither the tools nor the knowledge, you personally can't fix it. If you have all the tools, but not the knowledge, you still can't fix it. If you have the knowledge and only a screwdriver, you won't be able to overhaul the engine. It takes both.
As a counselor and Pastor, I try to give people both the knowledge of how a happy marriage is supposed to be and the tools to achieve it. I don't think that I can actually fix anyone's marriage. I just provide the means for them to do it themselves.
You're capable, but you might just be lacking in some tools and knowledge.
GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
Naturally I'm a bit biased in this area. And I prefer a Christian counselor over a secular one. The secular philosophy on a happy marriage is different than a Christian's. That being said, you ought to choose someone that both you and your spouse can trust and allow them to give you the right tools and knowledge.
Don't think that you'll never need advice or help. When you have an emotional stake in a marriage problem you'll not have the aptitude to see the problem clearly. It takes someone who doesn't have an emotional stake in it to give you the right perspective and direction.
Don't fear advice! The Bible teaches us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). There is no shame in it and you don't have to feel inadequate or incapable. After all, if you had the right knowledge and tools, you could fix the problem yourself.
STUDY MARRIAGE
At some point, you must believe that marriage is important enough to study. I study marriage. I read books. I listen to sermons on it. I listen to lectures on it. I observe. I ask questions. I want all the resources at my disposal as possible to build my marriage.
The common mistake that most couples make is when things are going good. It is here that they relax, drop their guard, and begin to ignore the marriage. Be on a constant hunt to gain knowledge and tools.
Knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings wisdom. You don't have to be intelligent to get this. In fact, most people confuse knowledge for intelligence. If you want wisdom in your marriage, it starts with knowledge.
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