Is there really any secret to a happy marriage? You bet. We came up with 5. You probably heard the old saying "sometimes love just ain't enough." Well it's true. Eventually all of those warm fuzzies wear off and all you're left with are the "nuts" and "bolts" of the relationship. The following "secrets" are certainly not exhaustive, but they are a good start towards a common sense approach to making your relationship more fulfilling and ultimately having a happy marriage.
1. You might need some marriage advice if your partner frequently has to tell you "it's not always about you." That may be a pretty good indication that they feel you are selfish and self centered. It may be time to ask yourself if you are willing to make sacrifices necessary to make your relationship work. Do you remember to kid who always had to have it their way whenever you played toys together? The girl always had to be the popular one, or the "princess", while you were one of the "servants." The guy always had to be the king, or get to play with the best toy, while you were stuck with being the "court jester", and had to play with the broken toy. And, if you didn't agree to do it their way they would get upset and not want to play with you. Didn't you get tired of playing with that person before too long? Well, relationships are a lot like that too.
Relationships don't last too long when one person always have to have it their way. Resentment tends to creep in and choke the life out of the relationship. There must be a give and take, or back and forth to your relationship. You have to find a way for both of you to "win." You must both being willing to be the one who makes the sacrifice for the sake of the other person in order to help create an environment for a happy marriage.
2. The next "secret" to a happy marriage is related to the first one - you must have the ability to compromise. Compromise takes sacrifice to the next level. You both agree to disagree and choose the next best thing to what you would have originally preferred. It goes something like: "I know you don't like sports (even though I'd really like to see the game), and we both don't want to stay at home tonight" (she wanted to go to a play, which you hate)..."so, how about we go see the concert at the Philharmonic tonight?" See, you both didn't get your first choice, but you did find a common ground that you did agree on together. Maybe next time you go to the play, and the time after that you both go to the game. I love it when a plan comes together.
3. Another key to having a happy marriage is that on occasion you do something for yourself. While it is important that you do things together as a couple, it is also important that you develop areas of interest on your own. This helps you to keep your relationship interesting and can stop the boredom from setting in. It also can help you appreciate each other more when you have periods of being apart. It makes seeing each other again even more special.
4. Another "secret" to a happy marriage involves maintaining intimacy and affection in your relationship. About 5 years ago I worked with the Healthy Families Program for new mothers and at risk children for abuse and neglect. During my training for helping new mothers bond with their newborn children I learned of some studies about the importance of touch. Specifically, how crucial it was for newborns to have the touch of both the mother and father for the healthy development of the child. Well, the same is true of a romantic relationship. The couple that hugs together, holds hands together, and kisses together...usually stays together. It is critical in order to maintain your bond as a couple.
5. The last "secret" to a happy marriage that I will address today is about finances - just the sound of that word gives me a headache. Many people feel that way. But, you can't bury your head in the sand and hope that all turns out well. You need to plan together and communicate on a regular basis regarding your finances as a couple. If you don't it is sure to bring your relationship much stress and anxiety. Even when the news is bad, you better talk about it. Trying to avoid bad financial bad news has a way of coming back to haunt you...so you better deal with it straight away.
Many couples don't talk about their money and just assume the other person will take care of it - THEY WON'T. Talk clearly and often about this. If you don't talk about you finances it will probably get worse. Debt has a way of mounting with compound interest, fees, and could even lead to small claims court. There you don't just have to pay your debt. You get to pay court costs and attorney fees too. Oh joy! So take it from me on this one. That is not a place were you want to be.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
What to Do When You No Longer Feel Connected to Your Husband
I recently received correspondence from a wife who told me that she was afraid that she losing feelings of love for her husband. She specifically said that she no longer felt "connected" or "intimate" with him and she suspected that he felt the same way. They weren't being ugly to one another or fighting or anything like that. But, they were just sort of coexisting without the feeling of togetherness that they used to enjoy.
The wife missed their connection. But honestly, when she looked at him today, she wasn't sure if she was ever going to be able to get the relationship back. She admitted that she just simply felt "sort of blank" when she looked at him or interacted with him now. The spark was gone. She loved him because he was a great person and father, but she had to wonder if she was "in love with him" anymore.
She wanted to know if I thought it was possible to restore the connectedness between them. And she wanted to know how should she go about making this happen. She felt that she owed it to her family to try to fix this, but she just didn't know where to start. I'll tell you some of the insights and suggestions I gave her in the following article.
You Have To Be Proactive To Reestablish The Connection. You Can't Just Wait And Hope For The Best: When I asked the wife what she had been trying and which of her efforts had been the most successful, there was a definite pause. She had to admit that she was really taking a sort of "wait and see" approach. Things felt awkward and she was reluctant to be the one to step outside of her comfort zone only to have her husband look at her as if she were crazy, or worse, to experience his rejection.
I understand this as my reaction was quite similar. No one wants to be the one to rock the boat. But, the problem with this approach is that if no one is going to make the first move, then you both might be sitting there for quite a while being disappointed and making assumptions that just aren't true. To ensure that you get what you want and restore the happiness that you deserve, you're likely going to have to take the initiative. Yes, this may feel vulnerable. And there might be times when you want to retreat. But honestly, retreating is what likely got you here in the first place.
Using Your Knowledge Of Your Husband And Your Relationship To Move Forward And Reconnect Rather Than Continuing On As You Are: As I said, sometimes, you have to be the one to put yourself out there. I realize that many people don't know where or how to start. However, you really do have more of a road map than you might think. You know how this relationship looked and what characteristics it had when it was most successful.
Often, when I tell people this, they will attempt to turn this around in a negative way. They'll say things like "well, when we were in love, we were both young and carefree without the responsibilities of real life. You can't possibly compare our reality then with our reality now." These points are 100 percent valid. But, they are leaving something out. When things were good, both people were putting in a whole lot of time and effort. Both people were receiving a very positive payoff which ultimately made them feel better about themselves and about how their lives were going.
So, in this way, all of the positive things that are happening in their life become projected onto the relationship. Everything looks shiny and new because we're seeing it through rose colored glasses. We feel as through finally someone appreciates us, understands us, and brings out the best of us. Unfortunately though, we all know what eventually comes next as the months turn into years and the responsibilities and not so fun things about life begin to pile on.
We begin to have trouble spinning all of the plates in the air. Something has to give. We need to allocate our time a little differently. And, we reason, our spouse knows what we are going through. They know we love them. So we hope that they give us a pass as far as the allocation of time is concerned. But what we often don't realize is that this omission is going to hurt us as well. A relationship is often only as good as what you put into it. The intensity of the feelings are going to directly relate to the quality of the efforts put in.
The good news though is that you start to restore the allocation of time and the quality of the efforts, the feelings will usually follow. You simply can't feel connected to someone if you don't feel like you're on the same page or that the same things are important to you. And these things can't happen in a vacuum. They have to be cultivated and encouraged just like everything else.
But, look at it this way. You already know that the both of you are more than capable of being happy together and feeling connected because you have been successful at this in the past. So, now is the time to begin to change the efforts so that the feelings will also change. It's easy to retreat inward as a means of self protection. But isolation is a sure fire way to feel disconnected.
Giving What You Want To Get: To begin, try to define, as precisely as you can, why you are feeling disconnected. Usually, almost every one has to admit that there is no longer a feeling of "we" or "us." Many people feel taken for granted and unappreciated. The way around this is usually to begin to provide for your spouse what you yourself want. If you feel that he doesn't notice what's important to you, begin to focus what's important to him.
If you think he's not affectionate or unappreciative, heap the attention and praise onto him. I know that this sounds backward but it really isn't. By giving what we want, we're accomplishing many things. We're showing our spouse that it's "safe" to turn our attention towards the relationship, we're changing up the stagnant culture, and we're demonstrating what we want.
Often, when you begin to give your spouse the pay off that they want, they will often respond by giving you more of what you want. That cycle of good feelings and projecting on the relationship will continue on. But this time, you're giving them positive things to project rather than negative ones.
The wife missed their connection. But honestly, when she looked at him today, she wasn't sure if she was ever going to be able to get the relationship back. She admitted that she just simply felt "sort of blank" when she looked at him or interacted with him now. The spark was gone. She loved him because he was a great person and father, but she had to wonder if she was "in love with him" anymore.
She wanted to know if I thought it was possible to restore the connectedness between them. And she wanted to know how should she go about making this happen. She felt that she owed it to her family to try to fix this, but she just didn't know where to start. I'll tell you some of the insights and suggestions I gave her in the following article.
You Have To Be Proactive To Reestablish The Connection. You Can't Just Wait And Hope For The Best: When I asked the wife what she had been trying and which of her efforts had been the most successful, there was a definite pause. She had to admit that she was really taking a sort of "wait and see" approach. Things felt awkward and she was reluctant to be the one to step outside of her comfort zone only to have her husband look at her as if she were crazy, or worse, to experience his rejection.
I understand this as my reaction was quite similar. No one wants to be the one to rock the boat. But, the problem with this approach is that if no one is going to make the first move, then you both might be sitting there for quite a while being disappointed and making assumptions that just aren't true. To ensure that you get what you want and restore the happiness that you deserve, you're likely going to have to take the initiative. Yes, this may feel vulnerable. And there might be times when you want to retreat. But honestly, retreating is what likely got you here in the first place.
Using Your Knowledge Of Your Husband And Your Relationship To Move Forward And Reconnect Rather Than Continuing On As You Are: As I said, sometimes, you have to be the one to put yourself out there. I realize that many people don't know where or how to start. However, you really do have more of a road map than you might think. You know how this relationship looked and what characteristics it had when it was most successful.
Often, when I tell people this, they will attempt to turn this around in a negative way. They'll say things like "well, when we were in love, we were both young and carefree without the responsibilities of real life. You can't possibly compare our reality then with our reality now." These points are 100 percent valid. But, they are leaving something out. When things were good, both people were putting in a whole lot of time and effort. Both people were receiving a very positive payoff which ultimately made them feel better about themselves and about how their lives were going.
So, in this way, all of the positive things that are happening in their life become projected onto the relationship. Everything looks shiny and new because we're seeing it through rose colored glasses. We feel as through finally someone appreciates us, understands us, and brings out the best of us. Unfortunately though, we all know what eventually comes next as the months turn into years and the responsibilities and not so fun things about life begin to pile on.
We begin to have trouble spinning all of the plates in the air. Something has to give. We need to allocate our time a little differently. And, we reason, our spouse knows what we are going through. They know we love them. So we hope that they give us a pass as far as the allocation of time is concerned. But what we often don't realize is that this omission is going to hurt us as well. A relationship is often only as good as what you put into it. The intensity of the feelings are going to directly relate to the quality of the efforts put in.
The good news though is that you start to restore the allocation of time and the quality of the efforts, the feelings will usually follow. You simply can't feel connected to someone if you don't feel like you're on the same page or that the same things are important to you. And these things can't happen in a vacuum. They have to be cultivated and encouraged just like everything else.
But, look at it this way. You already know that the both of you are more than capable of being happy together and feeling connected because you have been successful at this in the past. So, now is the time to begin to change the efforts so that the feelings will also change. It's easy to retreat inward as a means of self protection. But isolation is a sure fire way to feel disconnected.
Giving What You Want To Get: To begin, try to define, as precisely as you can, why you are feeling disconnected. Usually, almost every one has to admit that there is no longer a feeling of "we" or "us." Many people feel taken for granted and unappreciated. The way around this is usually to begin to provide for your spouse what you yourself want. If you feel that he doesn't notice what's important to you, begin to focus what's important to him.
If you think he's not affectionate or unappreciative, heap the attention and praise onto him. I know that this sounds backward but it really isn't. By giving what we want, we're accomplishing many things. We're showing our spouse that it's "safe" to turn our attention towards the relationship, we're changing up the stagnant culture, and we're demonstrating what we want.
Often, when you begin to give your spouse the pay off that they want, they will often respond by giving you more of what you want. That cycle of good feelings and projecting on the relationship will continue on. But this time, you're giving them positive things to project rather than negative ones.
What is a Prenuptial Agreement?
Although getting married is a romantic and exciting time in a couple's life, there are important decisions that have to be made before the wedding ceremony. Although it can be a highly uncomfortable issue, each couple must think about what would happen if the marriage were to dissolve. Statistics show that about 50% of marriage end in divorce. It is important to protect yourself because we do not know what the future will bring. One way couples can protect themselves is by entering into a Prenuptial Agreement.
So, what is a prenuptial agreement? A Prenuptial Agreement, or Prenup, is a legal contract between two people planning to get married. This contract involves making an agreed upon document for the distribution of assets if the marriage dissolves resulting in divorce. Distribution of assets can include: property and financial assets such as stocks, bonds...etc. Forms of prenups have existed for thousands of years, especially where royal families needed to protect their valuables and wealth. Although it is a difficult topic to talk about, especially when you are excited about the marriage and future, it should be part of a couples financial planning.
Experts recommend couples get a prenup for the following situations: one partner has, or is planning to acquire a home, stock investments, or retirement funds, one partner owns all or part of a business, one partner will be receiving an inheritance, one partner has children from a previous marriage, one of the partners has substantially more wealth, one partner is paying for the other's tuition or investing in the other's business, there are relatives that one is responsible for caring for, one partner owns a copyright or trademark, one is expected to see a dramatic increase in income in the next few years, and if one partner has won a lottery.
Approaching the subject of a prenuptial agreement can be tricky; however, it is important to remember that marriage is an emotional and financial union. Experts recommend bringing up the subject as early as possible in the relationship, particularly before they become engaged. It is important to be open and honest and listen to the other person's concerns to avoid causing upset.
There are often times when a prenup may be contested during a divorce. This is often due to changing circumstances such as child support issues or one person may have violated the agreement such as hiding assets when the prenup was created. Many volatile divorces will include challenges of prenuptial agreements so it is important not to hide anything as it may come back to take a big bite out of your bank account.
Obviously prenuptial agreements are not romantic and can be awkward to talk about; however, because there is such a high rate of divorce, it is important to consider a prenup before you get engaged. Remember, in order to be considered a legal document, a prenup must be written, signed by both parties, and notarized. It just makes financial sense to get a prenup and then move forward and enjoy your marriage.
So, what is a prenuptial agreement? A Prenuptial Agreement, or Prenup, is a legal contract between two people planning to get married. This contract involves making an agreed upon document for the distribution of assets if the marriage dissolves resulting in divorce. Distribution of assets can include: property and financial assets such as stocks, bonds...etc. Forms of prenups have existed for thousands of years, especially where royal families needed to protect their valuables and wealth. Although it is a difficult topic to talk about, especially when you are excited about the marriage and future, it should be part of a couples financial planning.
Experts recommend couples get a prenup for the following situations: one partner has, or is planning to acquire a home, stock investments, or retirement funds, one partner owns all or part of a business, one partner will be receiving an inheritance, one partner has children from a previous marriage, one of the partners has substantially more wealth, one partner is paying for the other's tuition or investing in the other's business, there are relatives that one is responsible for caring for, one partner owns a copyright or trademark, one is expected to see a dramatic increase in income in the next few years, and if one partner has won a lottery.
Approaching the subject of a prenuptial agreement can be tricky; however, it is important to remember that marriage is an emotional and financial union. Experts recommend bringing up the subject as early as possible in the relationship, particularly before they become engaged. It is important to be open and honest and listen to the other person's concerns to avoid causing upset.
There are often times when a prenup may be contested during a divorce. This is often due to changing circumstances such as child support issues or one person may have violated the agreement such as hiding assets when the prenup was created. Many volatile divorces will include challenges of prenuptial agreements so it is important not to hide anything as it may come back to take a big bite out of your bank account.
Obviously prenuptial agreements are not romantic and can be awkward to talk about; however, because there is such a high rate of divorce, it is important to consider a prenup before you get engaged. Remember, in order to be considered a legal document, a prenup must be written, signed by both parties, and notarized. It just makes financial sense to get a prenup and then move forward and enjoy your marriage.
How You Can Avoid Falling Out of Love in Your Marriage
This culture we are now living in has ingrained the thought of upgrading into our lives. Our desktop computers, cars, cameras, laptops, cell phones, perhaps even our properties are continuously prospects for upgrades.
It feels like individuals have taken this idea of upgrading one step further and carried it out on non-material things, particularly their relationship as proven by growing divorce rates. (Yup! Step right up and trade in your current significant other for a new and improved one!) It truly is normal to question ways to avoid the urge to upgrade, when you live in this sort of world. What's promising is you possess the strength to hold your relationship together. Below are a few details to remember so its possible to refrain from falling out of love in marriage.
Upgrading is not an option
Upgrading can be as easy as looking for a more sophisticated one and getting the funds to purchase it, for items that don't have a contract (such as a digital camera or laptop). You have to hang on until the agreement is fulfilled prior to upgrading or pay a fee, for things having a contract (such as a mortgage). Consider your marriage vows as being a agreement. Remember that your contract fulfillment date is "Until death do us part."
When it comes to marriage, there isn't an opportunity to upgrade. The early upgrade fees can be very high, sentimentally as well as in financial terms, since divorce is just like reneging on your agreement. Keep in mind that your vows are a contract and there are repercussions for reneging on it, and this will help to prevent you from falling out of love in marriage.
Where is the grass really greener?
Newer will not mean better. That is the other point to consider as a way to avoid falling out of love. After a divorce, many people generally think that most of their challenges will be gone. Indeed, your relationship complications will be gone. Even so, a completely new list of difficulties comes with becoming divorced.
So ask yourself, is the grass truly greener on the other side? Probably not. It'll be more effective making sure that the grass is always greener on your side of the fence by working on fixing your marriage.
It's all based on expectations
There marriage is certainly no story book finale with regards to life after marriage. Starting off with unrealistic expectations will be the fastest strategy to falling out of love in marriage. Preferably, count on marriage to be full of ups and downs.
The main element to not falling out of love and making it through the bad times would be to understand that you and your partner are there to help the other through it. Because you shouldn't expect things to always be perfect, you can anticipate your husband or wife to stay by you when things aren't ideal.
It feels like individuals have taken this idea of upgrading one step further and carried it out on non-material things, particularly their relationship as proven by growing divorce rates. (Yup! Step right up and trade in your current significant other for a new and improved one!) It truly is normal to question ways to avoid the urge to upgrade, when you live in this sort of world. What's promising is you possess the strength to hold your relationship together. Below are a few details to remember so its possible to refrain from falling out of love in marriage.
Upgrading is not an option
Upgrading can be as easy as looking for a more sophisticated one and getting the funds to purchase it, for items that don't have a contract (such as a digital camera or laptop). You have to hang on until the agreement is fulfilled prior to upgrading or pay a fee, for things having a contract (such as a mortgage). Consider your marriage vows as being a agreement. Remember that your contract fulfillment date is "Until death do us part."
When it comes to marriage, there isn't an opportunity to upgrade. The early upgrade fees can be very high, sentimentally as well as in financial terms, since divorce is just like reneging on your agreement. Keep in mind that your vows are a contract and there are repercussions for reneging on it, and this will help to prevent you from falling out of love in marriage.
Where is the grass really greener?
Newer will not mean better. That is the other point to consider as a way to avoid falling out of love. After a divorce, many people generally think that most of their challenges will be gone. Indeed, your relationship complications will be gone. Even so, a completely new list of difficulties comes with becoming divorced.
So ask yourself, is the grass truly greener on the other side? Probably not. It'll be more effective making sure that the grass is always greener on your side of the fence by working on fixing your marriage.
It's all based on expectations
There marriage is certainly no story book finale with regards to life after marriage. Starting off with unrealistic expectations will be the fastest strategy to falling out of love in marriage. Preferably, count on marriage to be full of ups and downs.
The main element to not falling out of love and making it through the bad times would be to understand that you and your partner are there to help the other through it. Because you shouldn't expect things to always be perfect, you can anticipate your husband or wife to stay by you when things aren't ideal.
5 Things Couples Should Do to Stay Happy
Happy couples seem very common, but in fact it isn't true, most aren't that happy all of the time. A few people are lucky to meet their soul mate, but this isn't necessary to being happy in a relationship. Here are a few tips to make your partnership happier.
Talk to your partner, this doesn't mean waffling about your problems, it means asking your significant other about them, how was their day at work, is anything bothering them? It seems like such an easy thing to do but it works because we all like to feel someone is listening.
Enjoy the simple things life gives you, a walk in the park with your partner, barbeques or picnics as a family, picking a small bunch of flowers for her, giving him a moment to read his paper. Yes, these are cliches, but they really help couples stay happy with each other.
Be thankful for the good things your partner brings to your relationship, we all fall in love for a reason, and the reasons we love another person should outweigh the bad things. So what if she wants to cuddle when you're watching football, it doesn't matter if he cleans less often, be thankful your partner is there with you.
Make do with what you've got instead of frustrated about the things you don't have. Remember that most of us have a home, food, electricity, but a lot of people don't. Instead talk to your partner about your dreams, and see if together you can find a way to achieve your goals.
Live life with passion, this is really important, happy couples seem to take everything in their stride and put 100% of their energy into enjoying their time together. If you are really passionate about your lives this alone will remove most of the small problems couple face.
Talk to your partner, this doesn't mean waffling about your problems, it means asking your significant other about them, how was their day at work, is anything bothering them? It seems like such an easy thing to do but it works because we all like to feel someone is listening.
Enjoy the simple things life gives you, a walk in the park with your partner, barbeques or picnics as a family, picking a small bunch of flowers for her, giving him a moment to read his paper. Yes, these are cliches, but they really help couples stay happy with each other.
Be thankful for the good things your partner brings to your relationship, we all fall in love for a reason, and the reasons we love another person should outweigh the bad things. So what if she wants to cuddle when you're watching football, it doesn't matter if he cleans less often, be thankful your partner is there with you.
Make do with what you've got instead of frustrated about the things you don't have. Remember that most of us have a home, food, electricity, but a lot of people don't. Instead talk to your partner about your dreams, and see if together you can find a way to achieve your goals.
Live life with passion, this is really important, happy couples seem to take everything in their stride and put 100% of their energy into enjoying their time together. If you are really passionate about your lives this alone will remove most of the small problems couple face.
How to Prevent Extra Marital Affairs
Women often marry with a goal of keeping their relationship for a lifetime. However, this does not always happen the way they want it. Sometimes, problems set in with the worst being extra marital affairs.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
How to Prevent Extra Marital Affairs
Women often marry with a goal of keeping their relationship for a lifetime. However, this does not always happen the way they want it. Sometimes, problems set in with the worst being extra marital affairs.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
While married men and women can get into relationships outside of marriage, it's the men who are often guilty of this. They may stray at some points in their married life. Some would even go to the extent of defending themselves using the usual phrase "men are polygamous by nature" as a reason.
Psychologists say there are various factors that cause men to stray. They may fall for other women to compensate what they lack in their marriage. It can be various things such as lack of affection, respect, communication and intimacy from their partners.
But wives have the power to prevent their husbands from getting into illicit relationships. If you want to protect your marital bond and strengthen it, you should initiate the steps so that your spouse won't cheat on you and will only focus on you and you alone.
First off, it's never a good attitude to be complacent about your relationship. If you feel contented about how your marriage is going, don't just sit there and relax. Remember that your partnership needs to be nurtured on a regular basis so do the best you can to inspire your husband. Do this by giving encouraging words, appreciating his actions as well as showing positive acts of love and kindness such as hugs, kisses and smiles. If you can do these acts every day, so much the better.
Secondly, communicate in an honest way. Always keep your lines of communication open because by not being able to express what you think and feel, your partner would not know what the issues are in your marriage. Learn to talk when it's the right time and to listen as well when needed. Avoid heated arguments but discuss issues when your heads are cool.
By communicating regularly, you will also have the chance to prove if your suspicions are right. Wives normally have this gut feeling when they sense something is not right in their marriage. But if you don't talk to your husband about issues that matter to you, you will continue to get stressed out.
Time is also gold. Many married couples today lead a fast paced lifestyle. But never forget to spare time for each other. It shouldn't be an entire day just a few hours that you can be together on your own without the kids. Go on a dinner date or watch a movie and put problems away from your mind just for that moment.
Finally, do some reality check every now and then. Reflect on what you've done for your relationship and your family as a whole. Ask yourself where you did right and in what instances did you do wrong. You can then resolve to do things better the next time by developing more positive traits that will help you manage your marriage better going forward. And it isn't too late to do these things if you truly love your partner.
Tips to Keep Your Marriage From Aging!
That one momentous decision, when you decided to share your life with that very special person, ushered in boundless joy, happiness and an experience second to none of the experiences you've had before. As the days rolled by you even wonder how you had lived without each other so long.
Then as the days turn into years you discover that without your realizing your priorities have changed from each other to the nitty gritties involved in the running of your lives-the bills, the children's schools, a better lifestyle etc.
Most marriages go through this stage and come out of it by making conscious effort to shift focus. But, instances where people have gone through marriages that have lasted thirty to forty years with the partners living in two different worlds is also common.
But keeping the flame of love burning is not back breaking work and the results are a lifetime of sheer bliss and togetherness. So, its well worth a try.
- Look at your life together as one. Weave things that that are meaningful to you as a person and those that are meaningful to your spouse into the fabric of your married life.
For instance there may be things around the house that you think are useless. But, they are your spouse's precious possessions. Instead of trying to convince him/her to see your viewpoint the issue is best left untackled.
- Take note of all the little things that you used to give so much importance to during the initial years of your marriage. Remember how you used to call him up, "just like that"? or give him a reminder call just before lunch. Or better still check out his/ her schedule and fix a surprise lunch/ dinner date.
- Make it a point to eat at least one meal together.
- Remove the television from the bedroom and the drawing room.
- Develop a hobby together. Make it a ritual to spend at least half an hour together on your chosen hobby.
- Do not take quarrels back to bed. Always make up before you go to bed.
- Let go of the past. If you have painful memories of some pain or hurt inflicted upon you by your spouse haunting you even now then just forgive and forget.
- Don't contradict or criticize your spouse in front of others. Something that comes naturally to most couples who have married for a while.
- Praise your spouse (good idea to have him/her) within hearing distance to others.
- Don't compare him with Mr. A, B or C
- Cherish small things. Like a call made to you to ask you if you had eaten lunch. Or a cute 'miss you' SMS.
- After a few years of togetherness whining and complaining seems to come very naturally to us. Be careful about this. It can be very dangerous. Whenever possible try to refrain from doing this.
- Consult each other when taking important decisions. Many of us seem to feel that this is not necessary because your spouse had absolute faith in you/your taste.
- Take interest or at least show some interest and enthusiasm in things that interest your spouse.
- Complement each other.
- Don't keep secrets from one another.
- Make your spouse feel special by doing meaningful things. Like taking care of the kids and the house while she spends a leisurely day at the beauty parlour.
- Be honest with each other.
- Last but not the least, say the magic words "I love you" to each other every single day.
Then as the days turn into years you discover that without your realizing your priorities have changed from each other to the nitty gritties involved in the running of your lives-the bills, the children's schools, a better lifestyle etc.
Most marriages go through this stage and come out of it by making conscious effort to shift focus. But, instances where people have gone through marriages that have lasted thirty to forty years with the partners living in two different worlds is also common.
But keeping the flame of love burning is not back breaking work and the results are a lifetime of sheer bliss and togetherness. So, its well worth a try.
- Look at your life together as one. Weave things that that are meaningful to you as a person and those that are meaningful to your spouse into the fabric of your married life.
For instance there may be things around the house that you think are useless. But, they are your spouse's precious possessions. Instead of trying to convince him/her to see your viewpoint the issue is best left untackled.
- Take note of all the little things that you used to give so much importance to during the initial years of your marriage. Remember how you used to call him up, "just like that"? or give him a reminder call just before lunch. Or better still check out his/ her schedule and fix a surprise lunch/ dinner date.
- Make it a point to eat at least one meal together.
- Remove the television from the bedroom and the drawing room.
- Develop a hobby together. Make it a ritual to spend at least half an hour together on your chosen hobby.
- Do not take quarrels back to bed. Always make up before you go to bed.
- Let go of the past. If you have painful memories of some pain or hurt inflicted upon you by your spouse haunting you even now then just forgive and forget.
- Don't contradict or criticize your spouse in front of others. Something that comes naturally to most couples who have married for a while.
- Praise your spouse (good idea to have him/her) within hearing distance to others.
- Don't compare him with Mr. A, B or C
- Cherish small things. Like a call made to you to ask you if you had eaten lunch. Or a cute 'miss you' SMS.
- After a few years of togetherness whining and complaining seems to come very naturally to us. Be careful about this. It can be very dangerous. Whenever possible try to refrain from doing this.
- Consult each other when taking important decisions. Many of us seem to feel that this is not necessary because your spouse had absolute faith in you/your taste.
- Take interest or at least show some interest and enthusiasm in things that interest your spouse.
- Complement each other.
- Don't keep secrets from one another.
- Make your spouse feel special by doing meaningful things. Like taking care of the kids and the house while she spends a leisurely day at the beauty parlour.
- Be honest with each other.
- Last but not the least, say the magic words "I love you" to each other every single day.
My Husband Doesn't Spend Time With Me - Does This Mean My Marriage is About to Be Over?
Are you worried because your husband doesn't seem to want to spend time with you anymore like he once did?
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
My Husband Doesn't Spend Time With Me - Does This Mean My Marriage is About to Be Over?
Are you worried because your husband doesn't seem to want to spend time with you anymore like he once did?
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
You're certainly not alone. Wives constantly seek marriage advice because this happens to them.
But it's time to stop worrying and start taking action that might turn this problem around...
Why Husbands Stop Spending Time With Their Wives...
There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.
Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.
This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.
What Happened to My Good Friend...
One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.
No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.
When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.
It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.
There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.
Want to Know If You Live in a Broken Marriage?
So you want to know if you live in a broken marriage?
I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.
People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.
Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.
Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.
So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.
You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.
So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?
Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.
Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?
What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.
Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.
No blaming anyone else for how you feel.
When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.
Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.
If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.
When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.
If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.
In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.
Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
I was married for 31 years. I know the ups and downs of marriage that are not signs of problems. I also know how to tell when ending the marriage is in the highest and best interest of both people.
People grow and change as they experience life. Differences become louder, more acute as people age. Habits that you once adored become irritating - if you let them.
Then too, people just grow apart, pursing their own interest-which is what happened in my own relationship. We did not stop loving one another.
Yet our lives had gone in such different directions when we did what he liked to do I was miserable. When we did what I liked to do he was miserable.
So by mutual agreement and lots of tears we chose to end our marriage and let each other go free to enjoy the life we individually chose.
You see, sometimes marriages develop problems. Sometimes they just die. Knowing when to end the marriage makes the difference between health and happiness in all areas of life.
So how do you know when you live in a broken marriage?
Pay attention to your gut. How do you feel inside? Do you even know how you feel? Some people close off their emotions.
Often those people marry someone who takes on their feelings for them. Before deciding that you feel any particular way, notice whose feelings you are experiencing. Are they yours or those of your spouse?
What is happening in your marriage? I mean actual factual events - before you give them your own personal meaning.
Know that your spouse cannot make you feel happy or sad or angry. You do that for yourself. If you think you feel any of those unhappy feelings ask yourself why you feel that way.
No blaming anyone else for how you feel.
When you feel unhappy in any way and that feeling persists see if any of the behaviors you or your spouse is doing causes that feeling. While your reaction to your spouse's actions are just your reaction, you need to tell your spouse that certain behaviors leave you feeling certain ways.
Always use "I" message to share how you feel when something happens. Blame is not only out of place but it reflects inaccurate thinking.
If you and your spouse cannot communicate about any subject open and honestly so that you feel heard and you listen to your spouse then your marriage may be in trouble.
When one or both of you stops caring about making the other person be their best self then you have a broken marriage.
If you ever feel disempowered, put down or subservient to your spouse then you have a broken marriage.
In a good marriage you never feel a power loss, (You cannot ever truly experience a power loss because your power lies within you.) If you feel deflated you gave permission to your spouse to treat you less than - another sign of problems in paradise.
Your feelings always reflect what is going on inside your mind. Talk about your unhappiness at the first sign of it. Never let it fester into ugliness.
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Want to Avoid a Broken Marriage? This Guide Shows You How
So you want to avoid a broken marriage?
Marriage is not the time or place for trial and error. You do not need to figure it all out for yourself.
Follow these guidelines to avoid a broken marriage and create the relationship you always wanted.
Know who you are before entering into the marriage. You need to stand in your own power and maintain your individuality in the marriage just as you did before making that commitment.
When you get married you do not become two halves of one whole. You continue to be two individuals living your individual lives while sharing one life together.
Always remember that fact. You do not belong to your spouse. Your spouse does not belong to you.
In a loving free and open relationship each spouse brings out the best in the other person. Look for the good in your partner and you will always find it - always.
Tell your spouse what to do to support you. If you expect that person to guess you will likely wind up feeling disappointed. Most people do not read the minds of others and that includes your spouse.
Would you really want that person (or anyone) to read your mind?
Sure, knowing you are connected on such a deep level feels great - sometimes. Remaining independent within the relationship allows you the freedom to be who you are and all you can grow to be.
Develop communication skills that make your spouse want to talk to you and also listen to you. Notice I said listen and not just hear.
Know how to be 100% present with your spouse when you do things together. In those moments your partner must be the most important person in the whole world and vice-versa.
Appreciate each other verbally and physically. The top needs of all human beings include love, touch and appreciation.
Loving and feeling loved keeps your relationship solid allowing both of you to know together you can overcome any obstacle and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at you.
Remember to hug one another every day, a minimum of fours times, preferably eight or more. Virginia Satir, the founder of family therapy, taught us that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive.
Hug and say, "I love you" in the way your spouse needs to hear, feel or see those words/feelings. Never assume the other person likes what you do. Ask them what love means to them and show them love that they will define as love. Do the same for yourself by telling them what love is for you
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Marriage is not the time or place for trial and error. You do not need to figure it all out for yourself.
Follow these guidelines to avoid a broken marriage and create the relationship you always wanted.
Know who you are before entering into the marriage. You need to stand in your own power and maintain your individuality in the marriage just as you did before making that commitment.
When you get married you do not become two halves of one whole. You continue to be two individuals living your individual lives while sharing one life together.
Always remember that fact. You do not belong to your spouse. Your spouse does not belong to you.
In a loving free and open relationship each spouse brings out the best in the other person. Look for the good in your partner and you will always find it - always.
Tell your spouse what to do to support you. If you expect that person to guess you will likely wind up feeling disappointed. Most people do not read the minds of others and that includes your spouse.
Would you really want that person (or anyone) to read your mind?
Sure, knowing you are connected on such a deep level feels great - sometimes. Remaining independent within the relationship allows you the freedom to be who you are and all you can grow to be.
Develop communication skills that make your spouse want to talk to you and also listen to you. Notice I said listen and not just hear.
Know how to be 100% present with your spouse when you do things together. In those moments your partner must be the most important person in the whole world and vice-versa.
Appreciate each other verbally and physically. The top needs of all human beings include love, touch and appreciation.
Loving and feeling loved keeps your relationship solid allowing both of you to know together you can overcome any obstacle and take advantage of every opportunity life throws at you.
Remember to hug one another every day, a minimum of fours times, preferably eight or more. Virginia Satir, the founder of family therapy, taught us that it takes 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 to get by and 12 to thrive.
Hug and say, "I love you" in the way your spouse needs to hear, feel or see those words/feelings. Never assume the other person likes what you do. Ask them what love means to them and show them love that they will define as love. Do the same for yourself by telling them what love is for you
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to repair a broken marriage.
Be willing to sacrifice yourself Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself
Be willing to sacrifice yourself
Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the marriage. That's not to say you banish any of your interests, but you make sure you align them to your marriage in order to put your relationship first. If you put your marriage as your first priority then then the relationship will flourish because of the hard work you are putting in.
Find interests that align themselves to both of you
Do you have interests you want to pursue together. What do you both like doing? What do you both find fun? If you like similar things then it makes it easier, for instance going to the movies or going out to great restaurants. But if one of you is fanatical about a particular hobby that the other person does not particularly enjoy, then you are probably going to have to find ways of accommodating that into the marriage without damaging the relationship. By having the same interests though, this means spending more quality time together and enjoying life with your partner more.
Let go of the things that get in the way
If there are things that get in the way of the relationship, then let go of them, or dumb them down for the sake of the marriage. For instance, if you love to go to the bar, then just don't go so much. Your marriage is more important than the guys at the bar. If you love going to football games, make sure they dont take priority over spending time with your partner. If you really want to continue to include some of these activities within your marriage, try and find ways of including your partner in things that you do, so that you both enjoy them together.
Throw yourself in wholeheartedly
Embrace your marriage wholeheartedly, and your marriage will last the distance. If you start putting things in ahead of the relationship, then your relationship will struggle. Think about what needs to be the priority in your life and make it happen, and if your marriage is your priority then embrace it with 100% commitment.
Putting your marriage's interests above yours is a difficult thing to do, but by doing this you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the marriage. That's not to say you banish any of your interests, but you make sure you align them to your marriage in order to put your relationship first. If you put your marriage as your first priority then then the relationship will flourish because of the hard work you are putting in.
Find interests that align themselves to both of you
Do you have interests you want to pursue together. What do you both like doing? What do you both find fun? If you like similar things then it makes it easier, for instance going to the movies or going out to great restaurants. But if one of you is fanatical about a particular hobby that the other person does not particularly enjoy, then you are probably going to have to find ways of accommodating that into the marriage without damaging the relationship. By having the same interests though, this means spending more quality time together and enjoying life with your partner more.
Let go of the things that get in the way
If there are things that get in the way of the relationship, then let go of them, or dumb them down for the sake of the marriage. For instance, if you love to go to the bar, then just don't go so much. Your marriage is more important than the guys at the bar. If you love going to football games, make sure they dont take priority over spending time with your partner. If you really want to continue to include some of these activities within your marriage, try and find ways of including your partner in things that you do, so that you both enjoy them together.
Throw yourself in wholeheartedly
Embrace your marriage wholeheartedly, and your marriage will last the distance. If you start putting things in ahead of the relationship, then your relationship will struggle. Think about what needs to be the priority in your life and make it happen, and if your marriage is your priority then embrace it with 100% commitment.
Do You Have What it Takes to Have a Happy Marriage?
In my job as a pastor and counselor, I deal with many unhappy marriages. On average, the husband is usually reluctant to admit that he needs help while the wife is trying to drag him into my office. The male ego takes a blow when he must admit that he has a problem, that there might be something that he can't handle or hasn't the ability to deal with.
But this thinking is all wrong! There is no particular skill set one must have in order to have a happy marriage. It's not about money, talent, or intelligence. A happy marriage does not depend upon these things.
I believe that everyone is capable of having a good marriage. In fact, in the ten years I've counseled and dealt with marriages, I have yet to see one that doesn't have the potential to be happy. It is not a lack of skills, talent, or intelligence that is causing your marriage problems. It may not even be a lack of love.
The problem is that you may not have the necessary tools or knowledge to build a happy marriage. Everyone is capable! It is merely a lack of tools and knowledge. Give a couple the right knowledge and tools, and they can fix most of the issues in their marriage.
For example, let's take a car that needs the engine overhauled. If you have neither the tools nor the knowledge, you personally can't fix it. If you have all the tools, but not the knowledge, you still can't fix it. If you have the knowledge and only a screwdriver, you won't be able to overhaul the engine. It takes both.
As a counselor and Pastor, I try to give people both the knowledge of how a happy marriage is supposed to be and the tools to achieve it. I don't think that I can actually fix anyone's marriage. I just provide the means for them to do it themselves.
You're capable, but you might just be lacking in some tools and knowledge.
GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
Naturally I'm a bit biased in this area. And I prefer a Christian counselor over a secular one. The secular philosophy on a happy marriage is different than a Christian's. That being said, you ought to choose someone that both you and your spouse can trust and allow them to give you the right tools and knowledge.
Don't think that you'll never need advice or help. When you have an emotional stake in a marriage problem you'll not have the aptitude to see the problem clearly. It takes someone who doesn't have an emotional stake in it to give you the right perspective and direction.
Don't fear advice! The Bible teaches us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). There is no shame in it and you don't have to feel inadequate or incapable. After all, if you had the right knowledge and tools, you could fix the problem yourself.
STUDY MARRIAGE
At some point, you must believe that marriage is important enough to study. I study marriage. I read books. I listen to sermons on it. I listen to lectures on it. I observe. I ask questions. I want all the resources at my disposal as possible to build my marriage.
The common mistake that most couples make is when things are going good. It is here that they relax, drop their guard, and begin to ignore the marriage. Be on a constant hunt to gain knowledge and tools.
Knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings wisdom. You don't have to be intelligent to get this. In fact, most people confuse knowledge for intelligence. If you want wisdom in your marriage, it starts with knowledge.
But this thinking is all wrong! There is no particular skill set one must have in order to have a happy marriage. It's not about money, talent, or intelligence. A happy marriage does not depend upon these things.
I believe that everyone is capable of having a good marriage. In fact, in the ten years I've counseled and dealt with marriages, I have yet to see one that doesn't have the potential to be happy. It is not a lack of skills, talent, or intelligence that is causing your marriage problems. It may not even be a lack of love.
The problem is that you may not have the necessary tools or knowledge to build a happy marriage. Everyone is capable! It is merely a lack of tools and knowledge. Give a couple the right knowledge and tools, and they can fix most of the issues in their marriage.
For example, let's take a car that needs the engine overhauled. If you have neither the tools nor the knowledge, you personally can't fix it. If you have all the tools, but not the knowledge, you still can't fix it. If you have the knowledge and only a screwdriver, you won't be able to overhaul the engine. It takes both.
As a counselor and Pastor, I try to give people both the knowledge of how a happy marriage is supposed to be and the tools to achieve it. I don't think that I can actually fix anyone's marriage. I just provide the means for them to do it themselves.
You're capable, but you might just be lacking in some tools and knowledge.
GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
Naturally I'm a bit biased in this area. And I prefer a Christian counselor over a secular one. The secular philosophy on a happy marriage is different than a Christian's. That being said, you ought to choose someone that both you and your spouse can trust and allow them to give you the right tools and knowledge.
Don't think that you'll never need advice or help. When you have an emotional stake in a marriage problem you'll not have the aptitude to see the problem clearly. It takes someone who doesn't have an emotional stake in it to give you the right perspective and direction.
Don't fear advice! The Bible teaches us that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Proverbs 11:14). There is no shame in it and you don't have to feel inadequate or incapable. After all, if you had the right knowledge and tools, you could fix the problem yourself.
STUDY MARRIAGE
At some point, you must believe that marriage is important enough to study. I study marriage. I read books. I listen to sermons on it. I listen to lectures on it. I observe. I ask questions. I want all the resources at my disposal as possible to build my marriage.
The common mistake that most couples make is when things are going good. It is here that they relax, drop their guard, and begin to ignore the marriage. Be on a constant hunt to gain knowledge and tools.
Knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings wisdom. You don't have to be intelligent to get this. In fact, most people confuse knowledge for intelligence. If you want wisdom in your marriage, it starts with knowledge.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
How to attract a woman
Since the age of time man has wanted to know how they can be more attractive to the opposite sex. If you would like to know the sexy secrets of being noticed by women then read on. You will find these expert recommendations easy to follow and practice as they are not one bit complicated. I'm sure you will see fast results!
Love yourself! Its been said time and time again, if you like yourself you look happier and attract more people. take a long hard look at yourself and find one thing you can be thankful for. Take time to get in front of a mirror and smile at yourself. think of all the good things about yourself and appreciate them, admire so of the things you can do. Is there something you can do which is difficult? Are you gifted in anyway? Be grateful for your talents. You will find yourself becoming more successful with women by the day. People like happy people. not just women!
Get out there! Being popular increases your attractiveness, and also your ability to meet women. If you are never seen then what is the point? you can be popular if no one knows you are even on the planet! Take up classes, join a gym or do some voluntary work, this is sure to get you known by people.
ASK! I'm sure you are not an egomaniac but still try not to obsess over yourself. be natural. Ask her what she likes or is interested in. Women like to talk to men who are interested in similar things, can form opinions and talented conversation. You are there for her remember that. As you find you have more and more in common your friendship will blossom and then who knows?
Use Admiration. Do you really like those people that always find fault in others? No? Neither does anyone else! Pick up on the good things people do and sincerely admire them. At the end of the day, when all is said and done women like good guys...sometimes it takes a while, but they do...YOU NEED TO BE ONE OF THEM.
Kindness. Be kind, do something nice for her. Maybe a small favor, maybe a gentlemanly gesture such as holding a door open or helping her with her bags or seat. Maybe even a small thoughtful gift. Women mark men on factors such as kindness, Again, you need to be in it to win it!
Allow her to give. When you allow someone to reciprocate you are able to enhance your relationship and strengthen your bonds together. If she is talented at something let her do it, or maybe let her help you do something. By interacting you will grow together.
Let your ego GO! I know guys love to show off, but seriously its not cool to do it all the time! showing off all the time does not impress women. In order to break through boundaries you need to lower your ego and find some humility. Arrogance is a massive turn off, and by trying to be good at everything all of the time you are laying yourself foul of this massive mistake.
Love yourself! Its been said time and time again, if you like yourself you look happier and attract more people. take a long hard look at yourself and find one thing you can be thankful for. Take time to get in front of a mirror and smile at yourself. think of all the good things about yourself and appreciate them, admire so of the things you can do. Is there something you can do which is difficult? Are you gifted in anyway? Be grateful for your talents. You will find yourself becoming more successful with women by the day. People like happy people. not just women!
Get out there! Being popular increases your attractiveness, and also your ability to meet women. If you are never seen then what is the point? you can be popular if no one knows you are even on the planet! Take up classes, join a gym or do some voluntary work, this is sure to get you known by people.
ASK! I'm sure you are not an egomaniac but still try not to obsess over yourself. be natural. Ask her what she likes or is interested in. Women like to talk to men who are interested in similar things, can form opinions and talented conversation. You are there for her remember that. As you find you have more and more in common your friendship will blossom and then who knows?
Use Admiration. Do you really like those people that always find fault in others? No? Neither does anyone else! Pick up on the good things people do and sincerely admire them. At the end of the day, when all is said and done women like good guys...sometimes it takes a while, but they do...YOU NEED TO BE ONE OF THEM.
Kindness. Be kind, do something nice for her. Maybe a small favor, maybe a gentlemanly gesture such as holding a door open or helping her with her bags or seat. Maybe even a small thoughtful gift. Women mark men on factors such as kindness, Again, you need to be in it to win it!
Allow her to give. When you allow someone to reciprocate you are able to enhance your relationship and strengthen your bonds together. If she is talented at something let her do it, or maybe let her help you do something. By interacting you will grow together.
Let your ego GO! I know guys love to show off, but seriously its not cool to do it all the time! showing off all the time does not impress women. In order to break through boundaries you need to lower your ego and find some humility. Arrogance is a massive turn off, and by trying to be good at everything all of the time you are laying yourself foul of this massive mistake.
Monday, February 8, 2010
I'm Desperate! Tell Me How to Stop My Divorce!
Marriage is defined as "a close and intimate union" between two people, but if you feel as though this no longer applies and you are on the brink of divorce, you will need to act fast.
There is no simple solution or clear-cut answer to the question "how to stop my divorce". Every relationship is different, and it is wise to exercise caution when dealing with such a sensitive situation. Pay attention to your partner and your interactions together. When do you fight the most? What do you fight about? Be as forthcoming and honest as possible when thinking about these things.
Pat yourself on the back and give yourself some credit. Anyone willing to seek help and ask "how to stop my divorce?" is showing that they care enough about the relationship to realize they aren't perfect and they do need help.
There is an old notion that through trying to understand your partner, you will also be understood. It may seem hard at first, but putting your partner first and trying to understand their motives and feelings will go a long way to repairing the holes in your relationship.
Remember that there really is no "I" in "Team". Sometimes during an argument, couples take different standpoints and see it as a competition where one person must 'lose' for the other to 'win'. This pits each person against each other, and does nothing to resolve the issues at hand. Arguments aren't just about fact vs. fact; it also involves one person's feelings vs. the others. Making the other person's feelings "wrong" or "irrelevant" will do nothing but make them feel worthless and unheard.
Though at times it may seem that no matter how many times or different ways you wonder 'how to stop my divorce', remember that it is possible. Though not all marriages succeed or survive the tribulations life throws at them, a strong relationship can always be repaired and made to be stronger and better than before.
There is no simple solution or clear-cut answer to the question "how to stop my divorce". Every relationship is different, and it is wise to exercise caution when dealing with such a sensitive situation. Pay attention to your partner and your interactions together. When do you fight the most? What do you fight about? Be as forthcoming and honest as possible when thinking about these things.
Pat yourself on the back and give yourself some credit. Anyone willing to seek help and ask "how to stop my divorce?" is showing that they care enough about the relationship to realize they aren't perfect and they do need help.
There is an old notion that through trying to understand your partner, you will also be understood. It may seem hard at first, but putting your partner first and trying to understand their motives and feelings will go a long way to repairing the holes in your relationship.
Remember that there really is no "I" in "Team". Sometimes during an argument, couples take different standpoints and see it as a competition where one person must 'lose' for the other to 'win'. This pits each person against each other, and does nothing to resolve the issues at hand. Arguments aren't just about fact vs. fact; it also involves one person's feelings vs. the others. Making the other person's feelings "wrong" or "irrelevant" will do nothing but make them feel worthless and unheard.
Though at times it may seem that no matter how many times or different ways you wonder 'how to stop my divorce', remember that it is possible. Though not all marriages succeed or survive the tribulations life throws at them, a strong relationship can always be repaired and made to be stronger and better than before.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Surprise Your Man
Hello World, I am back to give you some ideas how you can surprise your man. I surprised my man on our anniversary on October 1, 2009 we have been married 5 years now. These are some of the steps I did for my man. You can take these steps below to show your man how much you love him.
* First thing I did is Plan the day before on what I want to do for our Anniversary. I know that my man have to work the day before and on our Anniversary that was my two days off from my job but I work the day after.
* I went to the store the day before I bought two rib eyes steak, two big baked potatoes with the trimmer,broccoli, yellow cake mix, strawberry,nectarine and whip cream. A strawberry and nectarine shortcake is not a shortcake without the whip cream that is the best part. Don,t forget your man favor drink. Also I had bought some candles and a table cover to set up our dinner area for the surprise I plan for our Anniversary.
* When my man got up from bed on the day on our Anniversary to go to work. I gave him a kiss and told him I love him and ask him what time he get off from work. He forgot it was our Anniversary I never told him it was our Anniversary because, I want to surprise him when he come home. It was early in the morning so, I got on my computer to check my website to read the feedback on how the viewer like my site. After I view my site I went back to the store in bought my man a card and a gift. I will like to share this card with you because, I feel like this is my man all the way. The card have three steps about how I feel about my man check it out below!
* My husband is a man of character who understands commitment and does more than his share to make his family comfortable, safe, and secure, I adore him.
* My partner is a man who is patient, optimistic, caring, and wise. His sense of humor and support hold me up when I can't do it myself. I'm grateful for him.
* My friend is the only man with whom I can share my deepest secrets and know they'll be safe. Time with him is always good. I cherish him.
You are all of those things and more to me. I'm so thankful you came into my world, for if you hadn't, I'm sure I never would have known the kind of happiness you've brought into my life. What a beautiful card now let me finish telling you what I did for my man.
* When I came back from the store I set up our dinner area to prepare for a candle light dinner for two.
* I call him to make sure what time he will be coming home. I start prepare my dinner around 3:30 p.m so the food can be hot when he get here. The card and the gift I bought I put it on the dinner table by the candles between two wine glasses.
* My man made it home around 4:30 p.m I was sitting outside when he arrive. I ask him how was his day and gave him a kiss on his lip. He went in the house into the kitchen I walk behind him too see his reaction. He was surprise when he walk in the kitchen to see our dinner area was set up and the card and gift was on the table between the wine glasses. He ask me what day it was I said it is the first of October then he realize today is our Anniversary." He laugh and gave me a big hug and kiss and told me he love me. Before we sit down for dinner he said he will be back shortly and keep the food hot. He came back with a cell phone I have talk with him about getting a new cell phone early in September that I was going to pay for. He said this is for you with the new phone # already program I was very happy and surprise! I hug him tightly and gave him a kiss little things like this make me love him more and more. When I was in my teen's 20's and 30's I was mistreated I tell you about this another time. I ask him was he ready to eat he said he want to take a shower first before we eat dinner. When he got into the shower I put in a special movie to heat up the rest of our day and night. When he got out the shower we ate a wonderful candle light dinner for two I didn't want to play the movie yet until I have taken a shower.
* I turn on the T.V for him before I got in the shower I let him watch whatever because, I was not ready for us to watch the movie together yet. I told him I am going to take my shower hoping he will come in when I am in the shower surprising me. It work! Well you know what happen after that LOVE,SEX and we was both FULL. When we got out the shower then I decided to play the movie we watch it for 10 minutes and that was it we start all over again from the BED-ROOM to the LIVING-ROOM, and back into the SHOWER. After that we kiss each other good night so we can be ready for work the next day. Our Anniversary was short but, we had a good time it really don't take a lot to enjoy your man or partner.
All I am saying you can have a good time at home or you can take your man out in have a picnic on the beach for two or with your family. It is several thing you can do to satisfy your man to keep him full and happy. I am still not finish with my man yet, I have a surprise for him this weekend. Some people in the world are shame to talk about SEX. Life is all about showing your man or partner how much you love him or her that include SEX and, keeping him or her FULL that include eating. So don't be shame to show your emotion with your man or partner you just need to do it in a respectful way. If you don't satisfy your man someone else will.
Take care of your man and he will take care of you. Don't get me wrong every man is different it don't hurt to try. Remember always keep your man curious, full, happy, and surprise. Give me your feedback in tell me what you thank. Also you can go to my website how-to-keep-your-man.net or maybedop.com for updates on recipes and gifts to keep your man full and happy.
* First thing I did is Plan the day before on what I want to do for our Anniversary. I know that my man have to work the day before and on our Anniversary that was my two days off from my job but I work the day after.
* I went to the store the day before I bought two rib eyes steak, two big baked potatoes with the trimmer,broccoli, yellow cake mix, strawberry,nectarine and whip cream. A strawberry and nectarine shortcake is not a shortcake without the whip cream that is the best part. Don,t forget your man favor drink. Also I had bought some candles and a table cover to set up our dinner area for the surprise I plan for our Anniversary.
* When my man got up from bed on the day on our Anniversary to go to work. I gave him a kiss and told him I love him and ask him what time he get off from work. He forgot it was our Anniversary I never told him it was our Anniversary because, I want to surprise him when he come home. It was early in the morning so, I got on my computer to check my website to read the feedback on how the viewer like my site. After I view my site I went back to the store in bought my man a card and a gift. I will like to share this card with you because, I feel like this is my man all the way. The card have three steps about how I feel about my man check it out below!
* My husband is a man of character who understands commitment and does more than his share to make his family comfortable, safe, and secure, I adore him.
* My partner is a man who is patient, optimistic, caring, and wise. His sense of humor and support hold me up when I can't do it myself. I'm grateful for him.
* My friend is the only man with whom I can share my deepest secrets and know they'll be safe. Time with him is always good. I cherish him.
You are all of those things and more to me. I'm so thankful you came into my world, for if you hadn't, I'm sure I never would have known the kind of happiness you've brought into my life. What a beautiful card now let me finish telling you what I did for my man.
* When I came back from the store I set up our dinner area to prepare for a candle light dinner for two.
* I call him to make sure what time he will be coming home. I start prepare my dinner around 3:30 p.m so the food can be hot when he get here. The card and the gift I bought I put it on the dinner table by the candles between two wine glasses.
* My man made it home around 4:30 p.m I was sitting outside when he arrive. I ask him how was his day and gave him a kiss on his lip. He went in the house into the kitchen I walk behind him too see his reaction. He was surprise when he walk in the kitchen to see our dinner area was set up and the card and gift was on the table between the wine glasses. He ask me what day it was I said it is the first of October then he realize today is our Anniversary." He laugh and gave me a big hug and kiss and told me he love me. Before we sit down for dinner he said he will be back shortly and keep the food hot. He came back with a cell phone I have talk with him about getting a new cell phone early in September that I was going to pay for. He said this is for you with the new phone # already program I was very happy and surprise! I hug him tightly and gave him a kiss little things like this make me love him more and more. When I was in my teen's 20's and 30's I was mistreated I tell you about this another time. I ask him was he ready to eat he said he want to take a shower first before we eat dinner. When he got into the shower I put in a special movie to heat up the rest of our day and night. When he got out the shower we ate a wonderful candle light dinner for two I didn't want to play the movie yet until I have taken a shower.
* I turn on the T.V for him before I got in the shower I let him watch whatever because, I was not ready for us to watch the movie together yet. I told him I am going to take my shower hoping he will come in when I am in the shower surprising me. It work! Well you know what happen after that LOVE,SEX and we was both FULL. When we got out the shower then I decided to play the movie we watch it for 10 minutes and that was it we start all over again from the BED-ROOM to the LIVING-ROOM, and back into the SHOWER. After that we kiss each other good night so we can be ready for work the next day. Our Anniversary was short but, we had a good time it really don't take a lot to enjoy your man or partner.
All I am saying you can have a good time at home or you can take your man out in have a picnic on the beach for two or with your family. It is several thing you can do to satisfy your man to keep him full and happy. I am still not finish with my man yet, I have a surprise for him this weekend. Some people in the world are shame to talk about SEX. Life is all about showing your man or partner how much you love him or her that include SEX and, keeping him or her FULL that include eating. So don't be shame to show your emotion with your man or partner you just need to do it in a respectful way. If you don't satisfy your man someone else will.
Take care of your man and he will take care of you. Don't get me wrong every man is different it don't hurt to try. Remember always keep your man curious, full, happy, and surprise. Give me your feedback in tell me what you thank. Also you can go to my website how-to-keep-your-man.net or maybedop.com for updates on recipes and gifts to keep your man full and happy.
Something Important to Know About Men
Knowing a little something about men in general will help you to zero in on fulfilling some of your partners core needs in the relationship and make him really happy. One of the things all women should know about men is that they love to be the hero. They want to be the knight in shinning armour for some girl and finding a girl who allows them to succeed in doing this creates a very powerful feeling of attraction. More than anything, most men want to succeed in finding a girl they can protect, be the hero for and be admired by.
One of the best things you can do for your man is to allow him to be the hero for you. By showing him that he is succeeding in this important endeavour you will be making him feel more complete as a man and this translates to him feeling great whenever he is around you or even thinks about you. Most men are energized by this, they become more caring and more willing to please you. The more feedback they receive from a girl that they are succeeding in pleasing her the more they are encouraged to continue doing it. It's all about the response you give and how good you are at communicating to them that they have the power to make you happy.
For women there are also these same kinds of factors which will motivate them into giving the best love they are capable of. A little soul searching will soon tell you what you most desire from your partner in the relationship and it's then your responsibility to be able to communicate this to your partner in order to give them the chance to do it for you. The idea is to create a circle in the relationship which self perpetuates, each of you doing what the other most needs.
One of the best things you can do for your man is to allow him to be the hero for you. By showing him that he is succeeding in this important endeavour you will be making him feel more complete as a man and this translates to him feeling great whenever he is around you or even thinks about you. Most men are energized by this, they become more caring and more willing to please you. The more feedback they receive from a girl that they are succeeding in pleasing her the more they are encouraged to continue doing it. It's all about the response you give and how good you are at communicating to them that they have the power to make you happy.
For women there are also these same kinds of factors which will motivate them into giving the best love they are capable of. A little soul searching will soon tell you what you most desire from your partner in the relationship and it's then your responsibility to be able to communicate this to your partner in order to give them the chance to do it for you. The idea is to create a circle in the relationship which self perpetuates, each of you doing what the other most needs.
The Heart of a Successful Relationship
I like to think of successful relationship as being built thought by thought, heart beat by heart beat.
Back in the early days of my personal addictions experience, and I do mean early, when the outcome was far from assured, for even a day at a time, I heard some wise person say that thinking about what you had to be grateful for was a good habit to cultivate, and so I did.
I got it that when I felt resentful or afraid that I should switch my thought to something I was grateful for, and very quickly I felt better, much better.
The problem was that 'feel good' feeling did not last long.
For awhile I thought I was destined to only very brief moments of the feel good chemistry in my body, until I got it that my feelings are linked to my thoughts and that if I regularly repeat gratitude thoughts I have longer and longer periods of feeling good. (This was long before I had ever heard of REBT or CBT, which perhaps was just an inkling in Aaron Beck's mind).
I believe that successful relationship is built the same way. Successful relationship is a function of short bursts of thinking and feeling and regular practice of those thoughts which leave you feeling good about your relationship(s). (Gratitude is the Attitude).
How short a burst are you talking about?
Heart beat by heart beat.
(You can get more precise and use EEG biofeedback, which works in cycles per second).
After all, if your heart stops, do you need to worry about relationship.
Can we break our awareness of our thoughts down to heart beat by heart beat?
Yes we can, using a wonderful biofeedback tool called heart rate variability biofeedback.
But before we talk about heart rate variability biofeedback, I want to mention that many relationship experts talk about relationship as a function of doing exercises which build intimacy.
In particular, Robert Epstein,Ph.D., has written recently about how couples in arranged marriages in India succeed in staying together for a life time and growing in happiness even though they may have met once prior to their wedding.
John Gottman,Ph.D., has studied couples for 30 years and put together a workshop that couples can do together to learn the skills that the couples that Gottman calls the Masters of Marriage do naturally.
And Helen Fisher,Ph.D., has done wonders describing the process of romantic love, how it works, and why it works.
But none of them talk about how fast this wonderful brain of ours works to change the chemistry in my body.
Paul Ekman,Ph.D., another wonderful researcher, has been studying facial expressions for 30 years, and has discovered that some of what we humans do with our expressions is cross cultural. For example, all of us humans respond to a look of contempt in about 1/25th second. That is about 2 and 1/2 times faster than I can blink my eyes, and I am going to argue that for successful relationship to happen, I need to manage my thinking as quickly or as close to that quickly in order to give myself a choice.
Most often, I am going to feel the deepest hurt when my mate looks at me contemptuously, and if I am not careful, I will respond with anger, which covers the primary emotion of hurt, faster than I can create a question asking about her feelings right now.
In that 1/25th second, my physiology has created a response which impacts the success of my relationship.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a tool to use to get back to my heart's affiliative and cooperative intelligence in a heart beat?
After all, just because my mate is contemptuous of some choice of mine doesn't mean I need to respond without thinking, does it?
Successful Relationship Heart Beat by Heart Beat
About ten years ago, I ran across mention of the heart rate variability biofeedback tool in an EEG biofeedback list serve, and decided to try it out.
Heart rate variability biofeedback, is a tool that grew out of the discoveries in a new field of scientific inquiry called neurocardiology, which is the study of the heart's own nervous system.
Your heart has a lot of neurons in it, as does your gut, enough neurons that the heart can learn and make decisions on its own.
The heart regulates its own beat and sends a great deal of data up about emotions, and that heart intelligence, when I activate it, is cooperative and affiliative.
In other words, I can establish a cooperative and affiliative (like gratitude) physiology heart beat by heart beat.
This physiology is not contingent on anything other than my thoughts and feelings, and it feels good, and I can cue it regularly, and keep it for long periods of time.
Sounds like the perfect physiology for successful relationship doesn't it?
Of course, my anger management clients and domestic violence clients will argue that both people need to learn it, and I say that is very doable.
Imagine this. Each partner learns individually how to do heart rate variability biofeedback, then I bring them together, hook them up to tandem computers, ask them to get coherent, and then hold hands.
What emerges is a heart beat of the relationship, and both partners get it that they impact this heart beat, a living, breathing heart beat, by each thought they have.
They can keep the relationship heart beat coherent by attending to it in brief, regular bursts of attention, perhaps every five minutes for two heart beats.
I can do that without missing a keystroke on my computer.
By the way, this kind of work does not mean that there won't be issues to address and settlements to negotiate around sex, vacations, savings, parenting, ect.
What it does mean is that both members of the relationship can argue their values and ideas from a physiology of cooperation and affiliation.
Each successful relationship has a heart beat that the folks in it work to keep coherent, and now there is a coach for us to use.
Back in the early days of my personal addictions experience, and I do mean early, when the outcome was far from assured, for even a day at a time, I heard some wise person say that thinking about what you had to be grateful for was a good habit to cultivate, and so I did.
I got it that when I felt resentful or afraid that I should switch my thought to something I was grateful for, and very quickly I felt better, much better.
The problem was that 'feel good' feeling did not last long.
For awhile I thought I was destined to only very brief moments of the feel good chemistry in my body, until I got it that my feelings are linked to my thoughts and that if I regularly repeat gratitude thoughts I have longer and longer periods of feeling good. (This was long before I had ever heard of REBT or CBT, which perhaps was just an inkling in Aaron Beck's mind).
I believe that successful relationship is built the same way. Successful relationship is a function of short bursts of thinking and feeling and regular practice of those thoughts which leave you feeling good about your relationship(s). (Gratitude is the Attitude).
How short a burst are you talking about?
Heart beat by heart beat.
(You can get more precise and use EEG biofeedback, which works in cycles per second).
After all, if your heart stops, do you need to worry about relationship.
Can we break our awareness of our thoughts down to heart beat by heart beat?
Yes we can, using a wonderful biofeedback tool called heart rate variability biofeedback.
But before we talk about heart rate variability biofeedback, I want to mention that many relationship experts talk about relationship as a function of doing exercises which build intimacy.
In particular, Robert Epstein,Ph.D., has written recently about how couples in arranged marriages in India succeed in staying together for a life time and growing in happiness even though they may have met once prior to their wedding.
John Gottman,Ph.D., has studied couples for 30 years and put together a workshop that couples can do together to learn the skills that the couples that Gottman calls the Masters of Marriage do naturally.
And Helen Fisher,Ph.D., has done wonders describing the process of romantic love, how it works, and why it works.
But none of them talk about how fast this wonderful brain of ours works to change the chemistry in my body.
Paul Ekman,Ph.D., another wonderful researcher, has been studying facial expressions for 30 years, and has discovered that some of what we humans do with our expressions is cross cultural. For example, all of us humans respond to a look of contempt in about 1/25th second. That is about 2 and 1/2 times faster than I can blink my eyes, and I am going to argue that for successful relationship to happen, I need to manage my thinking as quickly or as close to that quickly in order to give myself a choice.
Most often, I am going to feel the deepest hurt when my mate looks at me contemptuously, and if I am not careful, I will respond with anger, which covers the primary emotion of hurt, faster than I can create a question asking about her feelings right now.
In that 1/25th second, my physiology has created a response which impacts the success of my relationship.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a tool to use to get back to my heart's affiliative and cooperative intelligence in a heart beat?
After all, just because my mate is contemptuous of some choice of mine doesn't mean I need to respond without thinking, does it?
Successful Relationship Heart Beat by Heart Beat
About ten years ago, I ran across mention of the heart rate variability biofeedback tool in an EEG biofeedback list serve, and decided to try it out.
Heart rate variability biofeedback, is a tool that grew out of the discoveries in a new field of scientific inquiry called neurocardiology, which is the study of the heart's own nervous system.
Your heart has a lot of neurons in it, as does your gut, enough neurons that the heart can learn and make decisions on its own.
The heart regulates its own beat and sends a great deal of data up about emotions, and that heart intelligence, when I activate it, is cooperative and affiliative.
In other words, I can establish a cooperative and affiliative (like gratitude) physiology heart beat by heart beat.
This physiology is not contingent on anything other than my thoughts and feelings, and it feels good, and I can cue it regularly, and keep it for long periods of time.
Sounds like the perfect physiology for successful relationship doesn't it?
Of course, my anger management clients and domestic violence clients will argue that both people need to learn it, and I say that is very doable.
Imagine this. Each partner learns individually how to do heart rate variability biofeedback, then I bring them together, hook them up to tandem computers, ask them to get coherent, and then hold hands.
What emerges is a heart beat of the relationship, and both partners get it that they impact this heart beat, a living, breathing heart beat, by each thought they have.
They can keep the relationship heart beat coherent by attending to it in brief, regular bursts of attention, perhaps every five minutes for two heart beats.
I can do that without missing a keystroke on my computer.
By the way, this kind of work does not mean that there won't be issues to address and settlements to negotiate around sex, vacations, savings, parenting, ect.
What it does mean is that both members of the relationship can argue their values and ideas from a physiology of cooperation and affiliation.
Each successful relationship has a heart beat that the folks in it work to keep coherent, and now there is a coach for us to use.
Some Relationship Tips You Should Avert For Women
In running a relationship, women also take important role in making it to be better for both of you. When doing the right thing, there are some things you need to avoid for pretending a bad thing happens in your relationship.
You do not need to change his appearance and attitude based on your preferences because it could lose his feeling toward to you. Also, changing it based on you could be meant that you do not really love him because you just love your imagination.
You may not sex as a prize for the right thing he has already done for you. If you want to give a gift, it is better for you to purchase stuff not sex. If you do this, he could consider that sex is the most important thing for your relationship.
When you want to give advices for him, you must do it politely. You do not need to criticize until make him feel down because you must be able to give support as a good partner.
You must avoid your attitude that scold his act and consider him as a child. It will make him feel uncomfortable so he could break you up. Men will love you more if you are able to make a comfortable feeling for him.
You are not allowed to underestimate him with angrily. Although you have a better job than him, but you should not underestimate what he does in his life. This condition could make him that he is not a good man for you. You just need to appreciate of what he has and he does.
You do not need to change his appearance and attitude based on your preferences because it could lose his feeling toward to you. Also, changing it based on you could be meant that you do not really love him because you just love your imagination.
You may not sex as a prize for the right thing he has already done for you. If you want to give a gift, it is better for you to purchase stuff not sex. If you do this, he could consider that sex is the most important thing for your relationship.
When you want to give advices for him, you must do it politely. You do not need to criticize until make him feel down because you must be able to give support as a good partner.
You must avoid your attitude that scold his act and consider him as a child. It will make him feel uncomfortable so he could break you up. Men will love you more if you are able to make a comfortable feeling for him.
You are not allowed to underestimate him with angrily. Although you have a better job than him, but you should not underestimate what he does in his life. This condition could make him that he is not a good man for you. You just need to appreciate of what he has and he does.
Some Great Relationship Tips For Women
Women are unique personalities which are created by God. As women who run a relationship, you also need to be responsible because it could show who you are. Here, you can check the relationship tips out for your needs. Learn and take benefits from it.
Time is essential thing for women. If you want to have more time with your man and you can provide it, you need to use it as good as possible. In fact, quality time is the most important aspect that quantity time because it takes an important role and it could give a good influence for both of you.
Like men did, you need to be able in giving trust, love and respect for your partner. It could provide a comfort feeling because you are sure that he can keep your trust. In fact, men do not like if you feel suspicious toward him so you should avoid it.
You must appreciate what he has already done for you although it is a small thing. This appreciation will make your partner feel happy because you are able to give attention and love.
If you have some agreements with him in running the relationship, you must be able to keep it. If you can respect them, he will be able to be loyal with you and he will also respect to you.
You need to support his direction and goals in his life. Although you can not help him, your support could mean much for him. If you have a great support for him, he will be able to do the right thing for his life and for the relationship.
Time is essential thing for women. If you want to have more time with your man and you can provide it, you need to use it as good as possible. In fact, quality time is the most important aspect that quantity time because it takes an important role and it could give a good influence for both of you.
Like men did, you need to be able in giving trust, love and respect for your partner. It could provide a comfort feeling because you are sure that he can keep your trust. In fact, men do not like if you feel suspicious toward him so you should avoid it.
You must appreciate what he has already done for you although it is a small thing. This appreciation will make your partner feel happy because you are able to give attention and love.
If you have some agreements with him in running the relationship, you must be able to keep it. If you can respect them, he will be able to be loyal with you and he will also respect to you.
You need to support his direction and goals in his life. Although you can not help him, your support could mean much for him. If you have a great support for him, he will be able to do the right thing for his life and for the relationship.
The Top 10 Relationship Myths of All Time
MYTH # 1: RELATIONSHIPS ARE EASY
Relationships are not easy! I am always amazed how people spend so much time, money and energy studying, training and applying themselves in their professions to become the best they can be. Yet, when it come to relationships, many people think they will just happen and take care of themselves without much investment of time or effort.
Relationships do take work, commitment, time and energy! To create a truly rewarding relationship, you may need to make sacrifices in other areas. You may need to work less, earn less money or invest more energy into spending time with your partner. Your relationship is like a garden. You need to attend to it, spend time in it and water it frequently. The result will be you will see it bloom and it will provide you with ongoing joy and happiness.
MYTH # 2: GREAT RELATIONSHIPS DON'T HAVE CONFLICT
This is a very common myth. If you have been in the early stages of romantic love with your partner, it can come as quite a shock the first time you experience some conflict. Some couples think that it is a sign that the relationship is doomed and will not survive.
Conflict is a normal and healthy part of all relationships. Think of conflict as growth trying to happen. It is an opportunity to look at your differences and understand a perspective other than your own. It is also a time when you can look at your own values and beliefs and understand your partner's values and beliefs. When conflict is used as an opportunity for you to grow as a couple, it can actually facilitate a greater emotional intimacy between you.
MYTH # 3: ROMANTIC LOVE LASTS FOREVER
This is one of the most common relationship myths. Hollywood movies have a lot to answer to for sustaining this myth for so long.
In most relationships, it is a normal part of couple development that when you fall in love you often experience a symbiosis. This means that you and your lover will feel like 'one'. The brain releases chemicals that facilitate this process and help in the bonding between two people. However, it is a stage of couple development and not one that can be sustained indefinitely.
Romantic love and the 'honeymoon stage' does not and cannot last forever. Thinking in this way can actually cause you distress and place your relationship under enormous stress.
MYTH # 4: MY PARTNER SHOULD THINK THE SAME AS ME
Again, this relationship myth seems to relate to the magical thinking of the symbiotic or bonding stage of couple development. Sometimes the thinking is 'if my partner and I are one, then we must think, feel, want and need the same things.'
When you consider that a couple in this stage are feeling euphoric feelings towards each other, it makes sense that they might think this. However, this is a dangerous myth to believe. It is important to accept that your partner is a separate individual to you with different likes, dislikes, wants, needs and interests.
MYTH # 5: IT'S GOOD TO VENT ALL MY FEELINGS IN MY RELATIONSHIP
This myth is a dangerous one because you may think it is ok to vent all your feelings and thoughts, positive and negative, on to your partner. Taking such an approach to your relationship is potentially destructive and will impair the longevity of your connection.
It is important to consider what you share and how you share with your partner. Think about how you treat your best friend. That will give you some indication of the attitude you will want to bring to your relationship. When you aspire to be your best and treat your partner in a similar way, the dividends will be high and long-lasting.
MYTH # 6: MY CHILDHOOD WON'T AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP
Some people believe that whatever kind of childhood they had, it has no bearing on the relationships they form in adulthood.
Nothing could be further from the truth. It is impossible to not bring the influences of your childhood into your relationship. It is in childhood that we develop a 'blueprint' for relating. We learn and internalise what we perceive love is and how it is expressed. This then plays out in our adult relationships.
If you find you keep repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over again, you may benefit from working with a trained counsellor to understand what your blueprint is and how it gets in the way of you forming a loving a respectful relationship.
MYTH # 7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP MEANS WE HAVE NO UNRESOLVED ISSUES
Interestingly, research says that over 80% of all issues that couples have never get resolved. When you consider this statistic, it puts into perspective all the time and energy you may have put into trying to resolve issues that never shift. You may also recognise that you have expended a lot of energy trying to change your partner!
Often, I think the question is not how you deal with difference, but what are your differences in dealing. When you look at how you go about working with differences in your relationship, then new possibilities for change and relating can emerge.
MYTH # 8: SEX HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
Sex has everything to do with a good relationship!
I think of sex as the melting pot of all the relationship issues. If you are distancing from each other, living parallel lives and working or raising kids with no time to invest in the relationship, it makes sense that the last thing you would want is to connect sexually.
If you struggle to be open and vulnerable with your partner and express your needs and longings, then it is very unlikely that you will be open and vulnerable in sex.
Have a look at what is happening between you in the way you connect and relate and then see how that connects to your sexual life. It may be an illuminating experience.
MYTH # 9: THE RELATIONSHIP WON'T IMPROVE UNTIL MY PARTNER DOES
Most couples come into couples therapy thinking that it is their partner that is the problem and that the partner needs to change. This attitude will keep you stuck and unable to improve or deepen your relationship in any way.
Rather than focusing on your partner, think about how can you change. What do you aspire to be at the worst of times, or when you are not feeling your best? How do you want to be in the face of your partner not being his or her best? A principle of systems theory is that when one element in a system changes, the whole system is affected. This means when you change yourself, the relationship changes.
MYTH # 10: MY PARTNER SHOULD LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY AT ALL TIMES
Again, I think this myth is related to the symbiotic nature of romantic love. Just like a baby who bonds with it's mother and feels as one, we sometimes think that one person should be everything for us and meet all our needs. In the distant past, we had a whole village of people to connect with and meet our needs. Often today we expect one person to meet all our needs and love us and accept us unconditionally.
When you are aware of this belief, ask yourself, what do I need to give myself? How can I love myself more in this moment? What other relationships in my life can I go to and have this need met?
WHAT MYTHS ARE YOU AWARE OF?
I hope you have found the top 10 relationship myths helpful in clarifying some of the negative beliefs that we are taught or internalize as we develop in our lives. These are the most common myths that I encounter in my clinical practice and are by no means the only ones.
Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt psychotherapist who specializes in working with singles and couples who are experiencing relationship pain. He also facilitates couple workshops in Sydney where couples can learn how to create a great relationship through the Centre for Relationship Development. He runs a busy private practice in Sydney, Australia from two locations in Newtown and the Sydney CBD. For more information, please visit his website at http://www.clintonpower.com.au
Relationships are not easy! I am always amazed how people spend so much time, money and energy studying, training and applying themselves in their professions to become the best they can be. Yet, when it come to relationships, many people think they will just happen and take care of themselves without much investment of time or effort.
Relationships do take work, commitment, time and energy! To create a truly rewarding relationship, you may need to make sacrifices in other areas. You may need to work less, earn less money or invest more energy into spending time with your partner. Your relationship is like a garden. You need to attend to it, spend time in it and water it frequently. The result will be you will see it bloom and it will provide you with ongoing joy and happiness.
MYTH # 2: GREAT RELATIONSHIPS DON'T HAVE CONFLICT
This is a very common myth. If you have been in the early stages of romantic love with your partner, it can come as quite a shock the first time you experience some conflict. Some couples think that it is a sign that the relationship is doomed and will not survive.
Conflict is a normal and healthy part of all relationships. Think of conflict as growth trying to happen. It is an opportunity to look at your differences and understand a perspective other than your own. It is also a time when you can look at your own values and beliefs and understand your partner's values and beliefs. When conflict is used as an opportunity for you to grow as a couple, it can actually facilitate a greater emotional intimacy between you.
MYTH # 3: ROMANTIC LOVE LASTS FOREVER
This is one of the most common relationship myths. Hollywood movies have a lot to answer to for sustaining this myth for so long.
In most relationships, it is a normal part of couple development that when you fall in love you often experience a symbiosis. This means that you and your lover will feel like 'one'. The brain releases chemicals that facilitate this process and help in the bonding between two people. However, it is a stage of couple development and not one that can be sustained indefinitely.
Romantic love and the 'honeymoon stage' does not and cannot last forever. Thinking in this way can actually cause you distress and place your relationship under enormous stress.
MYTH # 4: MY PARTNER SHOULD THINK THE SAME AS ME
Again, this relationship myth seems to relate to the magical thinking of the symbiotic or bonding stage of couple development. Sometimes the thinking is 'if my partner and I are one, then we must think, feel, want and need the same things.'
When you consider that a couple in this stage are feeling euphoric feelings towards each other, it makes sense that they might think this. However, this is a dangerous myth to believe. It is important to accept that your partner is a separate individual to you with different likes, dislikes, wants, needs and interests.
MYTH # 5: IT'S GOOD TO VENT ALL MY FEELINGS IN MY RELATIONSHIP
This myth is a dangerous one because you may think it is ok to vent all your feelings and thoughts, positive and negative, on to your partner. Taking such an approach to your relationship is potentially destructive and will impair the longevity of your connection.
It is important to consider what you share and how you share with your partner. Think about how you treat your best friend. That will give you some indication of the attitude you will want to bring to your relationship. When you aspire to be your best and treat your partner in a similar way, the dividends will be high and long-lasting.
MYTH # 6: MY CHILDHOOD WON'T AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP
Some people believe that whatever kind of childhood they had, it has no bearing on the relationships they form in adulthood.
Nothing could be further from the truth. It is impossible to not bring the influences of your childhood into your relationship. It is in childhood that we develop a 'blueprint' for relating. We learn and internalise what we perceive love is and how it is expressed. This then plays out in our adult relationships.
If you find you keep repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over again, you may benefit from working with a trained counsellor to understand what your blueprint is and how it gets in the way of you forming a loving a respectful relationship.
MYTH # 7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP MEANS WE HAVE NO UNRESOLVED ISSUES
Interestingly, research says that over 80% of all issues that couples have never get resolved. When you consider this statistic, it puts into perspective all the time and energy you may have put into trying to resolve issues that never shift. You may also recognise that you have expended a lot of energy trying to change your partner!
Often, I think the question is not how you deal with difference, but what are your differences in dealing. When you look at how you go about working with differences in your relationship, then new possibilities for change and relating can emerge.
MYTH # 8: SEX HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
Sex has everything to do with a good relationship!
I think of sex as the melting pot of all the relationship issues. If you are distancing from each other, living parallel lives and working or raising kids with no time to invest in the relationship, it makes sense that the last thing you would want is to connect sexually.
If you struggle to be open and vulnerable with your partner and express your needs and longings, then it is very unlikely that you will be open and vulnerable in sex.
Have a look at what is happening between you in the way you connect and relate and then see how that connects to your sexual life. It may be an illuminating experience.
MYTH # 9: THE RELATIONSHIP WON'T IMPROVE UNTIL MY PARTNER DOES
Most couples come into couples therapy thinking that it is their partner that is the problem and that the partner needs to change. This attitude will keep you stuck and unable to improve or deepen your relationship in any way.
Rather than focusing on your partner, think about how can you change. What do you aspire to be at the worst of times, or when you are not feeling your best? How do you want to be in the face of your partner not being his or her best? A principle of systems theory is that when one element in a system changes, the whole system is affected. This means when you change yourself, the relationship changes.
MYTH # 10: MY PARTNER SHOULD LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY AT ALL TIMES
Again, I think this myth is related to the symbiotic nature of romantic love. Just like a baby who bonds with it's mother and feels as one, we sometimes think that one person should be everything for us and meet all our needs. In the distant past, we had a whole village of people to connect with and meet our needs. Often today we expect one person to meet all our needs and love us and accept us unconditionally.
When you are aware of this belief, ask yourself, what do I need to give myself? How can I love myself more in this moment? What other relationships in my life can I go to and have this need met?
WHAT MYTHS ARE YOU AWARE OF?
I hope you have found the top 10 relationship myths helpful in clarifying some of the negative beliefs that we are taught or internalize as we develop in our lives. These are the most common myths that I encounter in my clinical practice and are by no means the only ones.
Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt psychotherapist who specializes in working with singles and couples who are experiencing relationship pain. He also facilitates couple workshops in Sydney where couples can learn how to create a great relationship through the Centre for Relationship Development. He runs a busy private practice in Sydney, Australia from two locations in Newtown and the Sydney CBD. For more information, please visit his website at http://www.clintonpower.com.au
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Do You Know Being Good With Women is All About Mastering Yourself? Every Guy Must Read This
Developing your inner game simply means taking full use of potentials. You can attribute your inner game to both mind set and experience. Your inner game has a lot to do with your confidence. You can't develop confidence unless you believe in yourself and practice self assurance. Inner game has a lot to do with mind set too.
If you continue to perceive yourself as a sorry loser, then that is what you will project to the outside world. Have a positive mind set for encouraging results on your inner game. Here are some tips to work on your inner game.
Have a positive outlook in life. Think "I can do it" and chances are "you can do it". Winning a game, or topping an exams, to scoring with a girl is first "won" in your head. You have to think that you are going to do it to have a mind set for the "win". If you think you can't, then half the battle has been lost already.
Do not let the results obsessed you. Do the best you can and stop worrying about the outcome. In a game of golf, having a mind set of you winning the tournament is well and good. However if during the game you keep on obsessing about winning, you are definitely distracting yourself which could upset your chances of actually playing well.
Center your attention on having fun. Just have fun! Tell yourself that you are confident and self-assured. Tell yourself that you are ready to face the challenge. If you look like someone who is fun to be with, girls will gravitate towards you.
Do not be afraid to try new things. Be adventurous but not to the point of the ridiculous or dangerous. Life is too short. You need to widen and broaden your horizon to gain experience. Approach the girl. If she refuses to even acknowledge your presence back off and "rewind". What was the mistake in the approach? Think! Experience is the greatest teacher.
Do not dwell on what you cannot change. Work on your positive points and attributes. Do not waste your time lamenting on the negatives that you cannot change. If you are short, there's no way you can be tall unless you use platform shoes or science has invented a new human growth hormone. Focus on the positive. Develop your endearing qualities and you will be a better person for that.
If you continue to perceive yourself as a sorry loser, then that is what you will project to the outside world. Have a positive mind set for encouraging results on your inner game. Here are some tips to work on your inner game.
Have a positive outlook in life. Think "I can do it" and chances are "you can do it". Winning a game, or topping an exams, to scoring with a girl is first "won" in your head. You have to think that you are going to do it to have a mind set for the "win". If you think you can't, then half the battle has been lost already.
Do not let the results obsessed you. Do the best you can and stop worrying about the outcome. In a game of golf, having a mind set of you winning the tournament is well and good. However if during the game you keep on obsessing about winning, you are definitely distracting yourself which could upset your chances of actually playing well.
Center your attention on having fun. Just have fun! Tell yourself that you are confident and self-assured. Tell yourself that you are ready to face the challenge. If you look like someone who is fun to be with, girls will gravitate towards you.
Do not be afraid to try new things. Be adventurous but not to the point of the ridiculous or dangerous. Life is too short. You need to widen and broaden your horizon to gain experience. Approach the girl. If she refuses to even acknowledge your presence back off and "rewind". What was the mistake in the approach? Think! Experience is the greatest teacher.
Do not dwell on what you cannot change. Work on your positive points and attributes. Do not waste your time lamenting on the negatives that you cannot change. If you are short, there's no way you can be tall unless you use platform shoes or science has invented a new human growth hormone. Focus on the positive. Develop your endearing qualities and you will be a better person for that.
Monday, January 25, 2010
How to Find a Girlfriend
It is not easy for many men to find a girlfriend and approaching a girl to men is the most terrifying thing to do. Men, like anyone else is afraid of rejection too which is why finding a girlfriend can be quite a chore for them.
The most important thing to know and keep in mind is to find the girl who suits your type and personality. Here are some tips on how to find a girlfriend who will be your soul mate.
How to find a girl friend begins with knowing what type of person you are. If you are the quiet type and likes reading, then head over the library and see if you can find any girl who catches your attention. The thing is, both of you like have something in common where both of you loves books.
Be really sure of what type of women you like and go for it. Don't settle for anything but the best. Choose carefully and be sure that you are not confusing real love attraction with infatuation. How to find a girlfriend when you barely know her except by her physical outlook is to get to know her personally as a friend. By being friends you can gauge her personality and then you can use it to match against your image of your ideal girl.
The last tip on how to find a girlfriend is to make every conversation counts. You need to have a plan when you start talking to the girl to know her better. If you likes her personality, then use your conversation to get information you want about her such as her telephone number. Don't make your conversation too focused on your objectives to get her attention.
Making a connection is important to know the girl better. Sometimes she will not be open with you instantly. After all, you are still a stranger to her.
If you genuinely want to know her better, then putting the effort will eventually make her comfortable enough to get close to you. How to find a girl friend is not that hard after all if you follow these steps recommended.
You can also add your own style on approaching girls so that you won't seem like you are reading from a script. Just enjoy the fun while you search for your dream girl
The most important thing to know and keep in mind is to find the girl who suits your type and personality. Here are some tips on how to find a girlfriend who will be your soul mate.
How to find a girl friend begins with knowing what type of person you are. If you are the quiet type and likes reading, then head over the library and see if you can find any girl who catches your attention. The thing is, both of you like have something in common where both of you loves books.
Be really sure of what type of women you like and go for it. Don't settle for anything but the best. Choose carefully and be sure that you are not confusing real love attraction with infatuation. How to find a girlfriend when you barely know her except by her physical outlook is to get to know her personally as a friend. By being friends you can gauge her personality and then you can use it to match against your image of your ideal girl.
The last tip on how to find a girlfriend is to make every conversation counts. You need to have a plan when you start talking to the girl to know her better. If you likes her personality, then use your conversation to get information you want about her such as her telephone number. Don't make your conversation too focused on your objectives to get her attention.
Making a connection is important to know the girl better. Sometimes she will not be open with you instantly. After all, you are still a stranger to her.
If you genuinely want to know her better, then putting the effort will eventually make her comfortable enough to get close to you. How to find a girl friend is not that hard after all if you follow these steps recommended.
You can also add your own style on approaching girls so that you won't seem like you are reading from a script. Just enjoy the fun while you search for your dream girl
Emotional Infidelity - Why it Happens and What You Should Do If it Happens to You
Are you worrying that there might be emotional infidelity going on in your marriage, and you're really not sure what to do. Furthermore, you're not sure why your partner or spouse would go out and have an emotional affair on you.
Why Does Emotional Infidelity Happen?
Well, there are tons and tons of theories on this. My opinion and approach to it, and it makes a lot of since thinking back on my experience with it, is pretty simple. I don't like to over complicate things that are so important. It's bad enough that it hurts so bad, but when you have to analyze it to death it's even worse.
My theory is that it's because the person having the emotional infidelity is simply missing key components within the relationship that are causing him or her to go elsewhere for them.
Usually this key component is less of something like sex, or attraction, and more of an appeal to get back a passion in their lives.
You see passion is a huge driving force that keeps a marriage alive. In my estimation, when passion is gone, it's the beginning of the end of the marriage. Passion fits into a category of human need that we all must have.
Variety is a basic human need. It's variety that caused you to marry in the first place. Heck, it's variety that caused you to go on the first date that started the relationship. After that as your relationship escalated, so did the variety in the beginning. You wondered what would happen next, and had no idea. The variety is there.
But after marriage, or a long relationship then things can get stale. The problem is that all the days begin to look like one another, and the variety...the spice of life is lost. Life gets in the way, kids activities get in the way, along with tired bodies and all. Before you know it, passion is a thing of the past, and you begin feeling like you'll never get it back.
But I assure you that beginning to get that passion is well worth the work that it takes.
Whoa, it's gonna take work? Well yes, most things in life that are worth it usually do take some work. The fact is that your marriage may be in a bit more trouble right now than just a lost of passion. Your spouse or partner and you may have lost your North Star.
There's a good chance that there are things that need to be taken care of. Of course there is because at this point your hurt, and you're angry, and feeling a whole lot of resentment toward them. But the one thing that you don't want to do when it comes to emotional infidelity is to go crazy, and start wanting to do nothing but talk about what's going on and why. You know why, so talking will do nothing.
So first thing that you want to do is find your way again in your marriage. YOU find YOUR way. You will likely be doing this by yourself, and believe me that IS possible.
The next thing is to start putting some passion back into your marriage, and any reason that you or your spouse would have to go through emotional infidelity in order to get the excitement that you used to feel.
First things first, let's get that marriage back on track. Fixing marriage trouble isn't easy to do on your own without knowing WHAT to do, and how to do it.
Why Does Emotional Infidelity Happen?
Well, there are tons and tons of theories on this. My opinion and approach to it, and it makes a lot of since thinking back on my experience with it, is pretty simple. I don't like to over complicate things that are so important. It's bad enough that it hurts so bad, but when you have to analyze it to death it's even worse.
My theory is that it's because the person having the emotional infidelity is simply missing key components within the relationship that are causing him or her to go elsewhere for them.
Usually this key component is less of something like sex, or attraction, and more of an appeal to get back a passion in their lives.
You see passion is a huge driving force that keeps a marriage alive. In my estimation, when passion is gone, it's the beginning of the end of the marriage. Passion fits into a category of human need that we all must have.
Variety is a basic human need. It's variety that caused you to marry in the first place. Heck, it's variety that caused you to go on the first date that started the relationship. After that as your relationship escalated, so did the variety in the beginning. You wondered what would happen next, and had no idea. The variety is there.
But after marriage, or a long relationship then things can get stale. The problem is that all the days begin to look like one another, and the variety...the spice of life is lost. Life gets in the way, kids activities get in the way, along with tired bodies and all. Before you know it, passion is a thing of the past, and you begin feeling like you'll never get it back.
But I assure you that beginning to get that passion is well worth the work that it takes.
Whoa, it's gonna take work? Well yes, most things in life that are worth it usually do take some work. The fact is that your marriage may be in a bit more trouble right now than just a lost of passion. Your spouse or partner and you may have lost your North Star.
There's a good chance that there are things that need to be taken care of. Of course there is because at this point your hurt, and you're angry, and feeling a whole lot of resentment toward them. But the one thing that you don't want to do when it comes to emotional infidelity is to go crazy, and start wanting to do nothing but talk about what's going on and why. You know why, so talking will do nothing.
So first thing that you want to do is find your way again in your marriage. YOU find YOUR way. You will likely be doing this by yourself, and believe me that IS possible.
The next thing is to start putting some passion back into your marriage, and any reason that you or your spouse would have to go through emotional infidelity in order to get the excitement that you used to feel.
First things first, let's get that marriage back on track. Fixing marriage trouble isn't easy to do on your own without knowing WHAT to do, and how to do it.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friendship - Why More Than One Best Friend is Good
When I was a child, I considered the status of "best friend" to be somewhat singular. Out of all your friends, the best would be that one whom you cherished or bonded with the most. It seemed as if you could have many good friends, but only one best friend.
As an adult, I consider it possible to have more than one prime friend. To some, it may seem as though you are not being sincere. After all, some best friends would rarely expect you to have others with that title.
To avoid seeming insincere or indiscriminating may be a matter of semantics. "You are my best friend" implies exclusivity. "You are one of my best!" does not. However, friendship is not about ego-boosting.
The beauty of friendship is that it could exist as one-to-one, one-to-many or many-to-many relationships. These days, more people are becoming connected online and offline. Therefore, it is likely that we would find a lot more people whom we place in our inner circle of friendship.
Friendship is also non-exclusive. In the same manner that you could have more than one friend, there is nothing unethical about having a group of best friends. In fact, you could have a group where everyone is a best friend to others.
Having more than one very good friend demonstrates that you accept diversity. You accept that you do not necessarily have to compare your close friends. Instead, you appreciate what makes them unique. That is a powerful idea indeed. Some people simply avoid discriminating among their close friends. It is not always practical or necessary to sit and wonder which one you value more.
It is all right to have even several best friends because of the different nature of relationships and their various contexts. Your spouse may be one of your best friends. You could have a best friend at the office or at church. It is already difficult to compare people. It is even natural to have several best friends, knowing that there are other close friends from various places and positions.
We all would have (and should have) criteria for choosing friends. Out of this selection, some friends would seem better because they share more interests, are more reliable or shared memorable experiences with you. However, it is wise to move from the singular best friend concept to a plural one. Even the best of friendships is vulnerable. You may be a lot better off having a round table of best friends.
As an adult, I consider it possible to have more than one prime friend. To some, it may seem as though you are not being sincere. After all, some best friends would rarely expect you to have others with that title.
To avoid seeming insincere or indiscriminating may be a matter of semantics. "You are my best friend" implies exclusivity. "You are one of my best!" does not. However, friendship is not about ego-boosting.
The beauty of friendship is that it could exist as one-to-one, one-to-many or many-to-many relationships. These days, more people are becoming connected online and offline. Therefore, it is likely that we would find a lot more people whom we place in our inner circle of friendship.
Friendship is also non-exclusive. In the same manner that you could have more than one friend, there is nothing unethical about having a group of best friends. In fact, you could have a group where everyone is a best friend to others.
Having more than one very good friend demonstrates that you accept diversity. You accept that you do not necessarily have to compare your close friends. Instead, you appreciate what makes them unique. That is a powerful idea indeed. Some people simply avoid discriminating among their close friends. It is not always practical or necessary to sit and wonder which one you value more.
It is all right to have even several best friends because of the different nature of relationships and their various contexts. Your spouse may be one of your best friends. You could have a best friend at the office or at church. It is already difficult to compare people. It is even natural to have several best friends, knowing that there are other close friends from various places and positions.
We all would have (and should have) criteria for choosing friends. Out of this selection, some friends would seem better because they share more interests, are more reliable or shared memorable experiences with you. However, it is wise to move from the singular best friend concept to a plural one. Even the best of friendships is vulnerable. You may be a lot better off having a round table of best friends.
Can You Overcome Chronic Loneliness?
Solving temporary loneliness can be difficult and chronic loneliness comes from failing repeatedly to overcome temporary loneliness. So how does one overcome chronic loneliness?
Chronic loneliness can be overcome by becoming the healer, nurse and patient. To become the healer you have to acquire the knowledge required to overcome the condition. Acquiring the knowledge involves understanding what causes the condition, the action steps required to overcome it and the ability to convince the patient, i.e. you, that the steps are worth taking and will lead to a successful outcome.
To become the nurse you need to understand that taking the actions steps involves pain and emotional injury but the action steps are necessary to achieve healing. Your alter ego, the nurse, will be around to comfort you as you recover from the emotional injuries sustained in your attempts to make friends. That same nurse will be around to egg you on to keep you on a regular schedule of more attempts to make friends.
Both the healer and the nurse will not be able to help you unless you are a co-operative patient. Paying for a healer and nurse is an expensive proposition. Also, the amount of attention available from healers and nurses is good but very limited. You do know that many patients choose to ignore their doctors and nurses and go on to an untimely end, right? The choice, of course, is yours. No one can take that away from you. The end result, however, depends on your choices.
Loneliness is the hidden taboo. Most people don't like to talk about it or acknowledge it. When confronted with it their response is inadequate action. Therefore it is up to the lonely person to free himself or herself. However, most lonely people are very reluctant to take the actions needed to free themselves from loneliness.
Chronic loneliness can be overcome by becoming the healer, nurse and patient. To become the healer you have to acquire the knowledge required to overcome the condition. Acquiring the knowledge involves understanding what causes the condition, the action steps required to overcome it and the ability to convince the patient, i.e. you, that the steps are worth taking and will lead to a successful outcome.
To become the nurse you need to understand that taking the actions steps involves pain and emotional injury but the action steps are necessary to achieve healing. Your alter ego, the nurse, will be around to comfort you as you recover from the emotional injuries sustained in your attempts to make friends. That same nurse will be around to egg you on to keep you on a regular schedule of more attempts to make friends.
Both the healer and the nurse will not be able to help you unless you are a co-operative patient. Paying for a healer and nurse is an expensive proposition. Also, the amount of attention available from healers and nurses is good but very limited. You do know that many patients choose to ignore their doctors and nurses and go on to an untimely end, right? The choice, of course, is yours. No one can take that away from you. The end result, however, depends on your choices.
Loneliness is the hidden taboo. Most people don't like to talk about it or acknowledge it. When confronted with it their response is inadequate action. Therefore it is up to the lonely person to free himself or herself. However, most lonely people are very reluctant to take the actions needed to free themselves from loneliness.
No, Really, We're Just Friends
Every year, particularly during the holiday season, several acquaintances seem to feel the need to "fix me up" with someone. I can almost hear the inevitable tongue-clicking from well-meaning people who assume that, because I've been partner-less for some years now, I'm lonely. Anyone who's widowed knows precisely what I'm talking about; the sad gaze from people who hear you've lost a spouse who assume you're in a perpetual state of grief and therefore require a replacement mate as soon as possible. As annoying as their presumption can be, I really can't fault them; I'm sure their well-intentioned reaction is based on how they would react themselves in my situation, but they obviously don't know me well. If they did know me well, they'd know that I have an active social life, with plenty of friends for company.
One of my favorite friends is a man who I will call Richard, which is a good idea because that happens to be his name. Richard is great fun to be around, intelligent, witty, thoughtful and an all-around gentlemen. He is also tall, lithe, non-gay and extremely handsome, which is a positive bonus for my ego, and means I don't have to wear flats whenever we're out together. Let's face it, we're a stunning pair, Richard and I. It's a convenient arrangement as well; we're not a couple but we go to social functions together from time-to-time. We interact well with each others friends, enjoy many of the same activities and at the end of an evening, we're off to our respective homes in good spirits with a friendly peck on the cheek serving as a goodnight kiss.
Where the arrangement gets awkward however, is that sooner or later the question of our relationship status pops up somewhere in conversation and it's a tricky question to answer. As we've found from experience, there seem to be a lot of folk out there who don't believe that men and women can simply be friends. At least, we assume that's what it must be, because our standard answer to the relationship question, "we're not a couple", usually produces one of three looks; awkward glances from real couples, looks of confusion from men (as in, "are you gay?) and from the ladies, hope-filled smiles at Richard, and what they're actually thinking, I can probably guess.
In truth, it's not difficult to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex but the key component is that you cannot enter into such a friendship with the expectation of something more, and Richard and I don't have those expectations. Surely, if he was looking for romance, he could find it practically...well, anywhere, based on the amount of female attention he gets, and I could have my share of admirers as well provided I ever saw fit get up off the sofa. But for us at least, at this time in our lives, its much nicer to have the friendship of someone of the opposite sex without any of the pressure but with (almost) all of the benefits, namely companionship, caring, someone to do emergency repairs about the house (him), and someone to cook (me). Richard's simple explanation for me is "she's just like a 'mate', except better looking", and I simply say "he's my friend", and that's a basic enough explanation for anyone to understand. Can a personal relationship like this stand the test of time? If we're honest it will, of necessity change if or when either of us finds true love (whatever that mean) but for now, it's a perfectly satisfactory arrangement that I encourage anyone to try.
Now, I'm sure some readers, particularly the women-folk are asking, "wouldn't you like to be involved with this man?", and my answer is that I already am, but I'm practically certain to become more involved would probably lead to the end of a beautiful friendship.
One of my favorite friends is a man who I will call Richard, which is a good idea because that happens to be his name. Richard is great fun to be around, intelligent, witty, thoughtful and an all-around gentlemen. He is also tall, lithe, non-gay and extremely handsome, which is a positive bonus for my ego, and means I don't have to wear flats whenever we're out together. Let's face it, we're a stunning pair, Richard and I. It's a convenient arrangement as well; we're not a couple but we go to social functions together from time-to-time. We interact well with each others friends, enjoy many of the same activities and at the end of an evening, we're off to our respective homes in good spirits with a friendly peck on the cheek serving as a goodnight kiss.
Where the arrangement gets awkward however, is that sooner or later the question of our relationship status pops up somewhere in conversation and it's a tricky question to answer. As we've found from experience, there seem to be a lot of folk out there who don't believe that men and women can simply be friends. At least, we assume that's what it must be, because our standard answer to the relationship question, "we're not a couple", usually produces one of three looks; awkward glances from real couples, looks of confusion from men (as in, "are you gay?) and from the ladies, hope-filled smiles at Richard, and what they're actually thinking, I can probably guess.
In truth, it's not difficult to be close friends with a member of the opposite sex but the key component is that you cannot enter into such a friendship with the expectation of something more, and Richard and I don't have those expectations. Surely, if he was looking for romance, he could find it practically...well, anywhere, based on the amount of female attention he gets, and I could have my share of admirers as well provided I ever saw fit get up off the sofa. But for us at least, at this time in our lives, its much nicer to have the friendship of someone of the opposite sex without any of the pressure but with (almost) all of the benefits, namely companionship, caring, someone to do emergency repairs about the house (him), and someone to cook (me). Richard's simple explanation for me is "she's just like a 'mate', except better looking", and I simply say "he's my friend", and that's a basic enough explanation for anyone to understand. Can a personal relationship like this stand the test of time? If we're honest it will, of necessity change if or when either of us finds true love (whatever that mean) but for now, it's a perfectly satisfactory arrangement that I encourage anyone to try.
Now, I'm sure some readers, particularly the women-folk are asking, "wouldn't you like to be involved with this man?", and my answer is that I already am, but I'm practically certain to become more involved would probably lead to the end of a beautiful friendship.
Marriage, Love, and Compromise
The sheer thought of marriage frightened Joyce. She could not comprehend how a journey of marriage can be accomplished in a meaningful manner. She has always given to understand that sanctity of marriage is a sacred institution which has its own values. The reality gave enough evidence establishing the ugly side of the same scared institution.
Initially, as a child she failed to appreciate the nuptial knots and divorces.Which shattered her personality many times witnessing these scenes. Her personality transformed from a confused person to a matured woman. She grew older and become a confident and a sensible person. She did get the in-depth information and evaluated the pros and cons of marriage. However, there was also the softer and delicate side of Joyce. Her heart and mind were always yearning for a sincere, honest and loving mate.
She was an intelligent sailor. She learnt as a child the art of sailing in rivers and lakes. She also understood the art of navigation and boat handling. She has won a lot of laurels and recognition for her contribution to the county sailing club. Her friend Mabel was diagonally opposite in every aspect in comparison to Joyce. In spite of divergent views and personality difference, they were very close to each other. The chemistry between them was unique. She was married and well settled.
Mabel did not get a university degree; however, she grew in an orthodox family culture. Her values of life revolved around close family ties. A loving husband and children gave her total satisfaction in life. She did take part in community activities yet her family priorities overshadowed her social interaction.
Joyce was on a routine sailing trip in the lake enjoying a perfect weather for yachting. On completion of her trip, she secured the boat and proceeded towards the bar for a drink. At the bar, she met Francis, who was a young entrepreneur. A handsome looking young lad was the centre of attraction in the bar. Joyce who was equally very pretty and attractive draws equal attention from the crowed.
While Joyce was sipping her drink and enjoying, Francis approached her and introduced himself. They were chatted for a while and Joyce prepares to leave. Francis invited her for the felicitation of entrepreneurs organized by the county. An award of excellence is to be given by the Sheriff to the most successful entrepreneur of the county. Joyce accepted the invitation and departed. Francis was impressed by her veracity and extrovert nature. Joyce was impressed by his achievement at a very young age. There appeared to be a perfect chemistry developed between them.
In the felicitation function Francis was awarded as the most successful entrepreneur. There were a joy and happiness among the county crowed. After the function Francis and Joyce went to the country club for a quiet dinner. Francis proposed her and Joyce accepted it. A date was finalized and they got married. Once the honeymoon was over and life followed the regular path of business. At the outset, there was nothing, which could draw attention of others. However, Francis was devoid of any interest in sailing. On the other hand, Joyce was least interested in business like involvement. This divergent attitude of both draws flak and boredom started creeping in slowly.
Joyce being sharp and clever was also capable of taking bold and fast decision. She met Mabel and discussed these issues. Mabel recognized the gravity of the situation and advised her to be little kinder and approach the problem objectively. She also met Francis and during the conversation suggested businesslike approach of compromise and caution. Francis understood at once. Francis and Joyce realised the sensitivity of the marriage and started a new chapter of love and compromise. Indeed, it was a cherishable, happy and memorable event of their life.
Initially, as a child she failed to appreciate the nuptial knots and divorces.Which shattered her personality many times witnessing these scenes. Her personality transformed from a confused person to a matured woman. She grew older and become a confident and a sensible person. She did get the in-depth information and evaluated the pros and cons of marriage. However, there was also the softer and delicate side of Joyce. Her heart and mind were always yearning for a sincere, honest and loving mate.
She was an intelligent sailor. She learnt as a child the art of sailing in rivers and lakes. She also understood the art of navigation and boat handling. She has won a lot of laurels and recognition for her contribution to the county sailing club. Her friend Mabel was diagonally opposite in every aspect in comparison to Joyce. In spite of divergent views and personality difference, they were very close to each other. The chemistry between them was unique. She was married and well settled.
Mabel did not get a university degree; however, she grew in an orthodox family culture. Her values of life revolved around close family ties. A loving husband and children gave her total satisfaction in life. She did take part in community activities yet her family priorities overshadowed her social interaction.
Joyce was on a routine sailing trip in the lake enjoying a perfect weather for yachting. On completion of her trip, she secured the boat and proceeded towards the bar for a drink. At the bar, she met Francis, who was a young entrepreneur. A handsome looking young lad was the centre of attraction in the bar. Joyce who was equally very pretty and attractive draws equal attention from the crowed.
While Joyce was sipping her drink and enjoying, Francis approached her and introduced himself. They were chatted for a while and Joyce prepares to leave. Francis invited her for the felicitation of entrepreneurs organized by the county. An award of excellence is to be given by the Sheriff to the most successful entrepreneur of the county. Joyce accepted the invitation and departed. Francis was impressed by her veracity and extrovert nature. Joyce was impressed by his achievement at a very young age. There appeared to be a perfect chemistry developed between them.
In the felicitation function Francis was awarded as the most successful entrepreneur. There were a joy and happiness among the county crowed. After the function Francis and Joyce went to the country club for a quiet dinner. Francis proposed her and Joyce accepted it. A date was finalized and they got married. Once the honeymoon was over and life followed the regular path of business. At the outset, there was nothing, which could draw attention of others. However, Francis was devoid of any interest in sailing. On the other hand, Joyce was least interested in business like involvement. This divergent attitude of both draws flak and boredom started creeping in slowly.
Joyce being sharp and clever was also capable of taking bold and fast decision. She met Mabel and discussed these issues. Mabel recognized the gravity of the situation and advised her to be little kinder and approach the problem objectively. She also met Francis and during the conversation suggested businesslike approach of compromise and caution. Francis understood at once. Francis and Joyce realised the sensitivity of the marriage and started a new chapter of love and compromise. Indeed, it was a cherishable, happy and memorable event of their life.
Signs of a Bad Best Friend
Are you one of those people who gets along with everybody and tends not to constrain yourself with the confines of a social clique? Are you constantly trying to make connections with people you think would be a great best bud? Well, to make and keep friends is a lot harder than it seems, especially when you get out of college and start aging. But if you do have some friends, close friends at that, do you really consider them to be good friends?
Some people might not realize it at first, but there are a lot of friendships out there that are very dysfunctional. There often times is so much more than meets the eye. So how do we determine if our best friend is a good friend? How can we tell if your best friend is in fact your very "best" friend? It's simple. Just consider your relationship and look for the warning signs. Initially, you may want to ask yourself this.
1. Does my friend only come over if I'm making dinner, having my other friends over, or I offer them an incentive to hang out?
2. Does my friend try to make me feel inferior and always try to control the conversations and group hang outs?
3. Is my friend in constant competition with me and often times try to out beat me in our careers, clothes, looks, or other lifestyle choices?
4. Does my friend flirt with my boyfriend and show signs of dishonesty or disrespect?
5. Is it a regular thing to find out that your friend is bailing on you when you depend on a girly night the most?
6. Do I hear about my friend talking behind my back to other people or speaking about secrets that were supposed to be confidential?
7. Does it feel like my friend is pressuring me to take part in activities I do not usually partake in or make me feel dangerous at any time?
8. Is my friend a good example on me and if present, on my children and friends?
9. Does my best friend often try to steal the spotlight from me and belittles the things that matter most to me?
10. Does my friend get along with most people?
Warning signs of a bad best friend are simple to spot. If you only hang out to drink on bar stools and you never get a call back when you most need it, this may not be the best friend for you. If you can't trust them, or talk to them about things that matter, and feel that they could be secretly crushing on your hubby, than that is not a best friend. Take a few minutes to ask yourself these questions and find out if your best friend is actually "the best."
Some people might not realize it at first, but there are a lot of friendships out there that are very dysfunctional. There often times is so much more than meets the eye. So how do we determine if our best friend is a good friend? How can we tell if your best friend is in fact your very "best" friend? It's simple. Just consider your relationship and look for the warning signs. Initially, you may want to ask yourself this.
1. Does my friend only come over if I'm making dinner, having my other friends over, or I offer them an incentive to hang out?
2. Does my friend try to make me feel inferior and always try to control the conversations and group hang outs?
3. Is my friend in constant competition with me and often times try to out beat me in our careers, clothes, looks, or other lifestyle choices?
4. Does my friend flirt with my boyfriend and show signs of dishonesty or disrespect?
5. Is it a regular thing to find out that your friend is bailing on you when you depend on a girly night the most?
6. Do I hear about my friend talking behind my back to other people or speaking about secrets that were supposed to be confidential?
7. Does it feel like my friend is pressuring me to take part in activities I do not usually partake in or make me feel dangerous at any time?
8. Is my friend a good example on me and if present, on my children and friends?
9. Does my best friend often try to steal the spotlight from me and belittles the things that matter most to me?
10. Does my friend get along with most people?
Warning signs of a bad best friend are simple to spot. If you only hang out to drink on bar stools and you never get a call back when you most need it, this may not be the best friend for you. If you can't trust them, or talk to them about things that matter, and feel that they could be secretly crushing on your hubby, than that is not a best friend. Take a few minutes to ask yourself these questions and find out if your best friend is actually "the best."
Who is in Your Inner Circle?
Many of the mobile phone companies now talk about your inner circle, offering discounts or free minutes for connecting with those you communicate with the most, even if they do not share the same network. This offers something to ponder.
We often become like the five people we surround ourselves with the most. Thinking about that, who is in your inner circle? Who are the five people you speak to, confide in, enjoy the company of and reach for both to celebrate and to relay your achievements and challenges?
Think about each of these people. What are they teaching you about life? What mentoring do they have to offer? Do you find that you're grown in their presence? If you were a fuel tank, do they fill you or does anyone, even if only on occasion, drain you at all? What do you contribute to them? Are you fully showing up, filling their tank, being fully present when they call you?
What makes them part of your inner circle? What is special about them? Are there any characteristics they have in common? What values do they hold? Do they mirror yours?
When was the last time you expressed gratitude for them. Like the finest of customers, what are you doing to wow them now and then? What is it about you that keeps you in their circle? What gifts do you have to share?
Now expand your mind a bit more if you can take it. Look outside your inner circle to the perimeter. Is there any people just on the outskirts that would like to come in? Anyone who might be trying to get your attention? Is there someone who wants to come in, however for whatever reason they are not able to cross the shield that that protects your inner most relationships.
Is there someone just outside of reach that you would like to invite in? Perhaps someone you chatted with at the gym or a new neighbor that feels like they might have the potential of deep mutual friendship. What about an office colleague who looks up to you and seeks you as their mentor but is too afraid to ask? Are there people on the outside that somehow made their way out of the circle and life got too busy to reconnect and draw them back in?
And lastly, is there a version of you on the outer circle that needs to be taken care of. Perhaps with the busy work schedule or lifestyle the time for relaxation, joy and self awareness has also seeped out of focus. How can you bring your self-care to the forefront?
Note your inner and outer circles. Perhaps even think of expanding your inner circle to let so many more in, don't worry it won't cost you more in your communication plan. Make what adjustments you see fit. Share the gratitude for those that support you, perhaps invite new members in, perhaps, if necessary move some out. Either way let us reflect on the joy we humans share through connectedness with others.
We often become like the five people we surround ourselves with the most. Thinking about that, who is in your inner circle? Who are the five people you speak to, confide in, enjoy the company of and reach for both to celebrate and to relay your achievements and challenges?
Think about each of these people. What are they teaching you about life? What mentoring do they have to offer? Do you find that you're grown in their presence? If you were a fuel tank, do they fill you or does anyone, even if only on occasion, drain you at all? What do you contribute to them? Are you fully showing up, filling their tank, being fully present when they call you?
What makes them part of your inner circle? What is special about them? Are there any characteristics they have in common? What values do they hold? Do they mirror yours?
When was the last time you expressed gratitude for them. Like the finest of customers, what are you doing to wow them now and then? What is it about you that keeps you in their circle? What gifts do you have to share?
Now expand your mind a bit more if you can take it. Look outside your inner circle to the perimeter. Is there any people just on the outskirts that would like to come in? Anyone who might be trying to get your attention? Is there someone who wants to come in, however for whatever reason they are not able to cross the shield that that protects your inner most relationships.
Is there someone just outside of reach that you would like to invite in? Perhaps someone you chatted with at the gym or a new neighbor that feels like they might have the potential of deep mutual friendship. What about an office colleague who looks up to you and seeks you as their mentor but is too afraid to ask? Are there people on the outside that somehow made their way out of the circle and life got too busy to reconnect and draw them back in?
And lastly, is there a version of you on the outer circle that needs to be taken care of. Perhaps with the busy work schedule or lifestyle the time for relaxation, joy and self awareness has also seeped out of focus. How can you bring your self-care to the forefront?
Note your inner and outer circles. Perhaps even think of expanding your inner circle to let so many more in, don't worry it won't cost you more in your communication plan. Make what adjustments you see fit. Share the gratitude for those that support you, perhaps invite new members in, perhaps, if necessary move some out. Either way let us reflect on the joy we humans share through connectedness with others.
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